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Episode 27
Narrative
It’s time for Can You Live Without … And here’s someone you just can’t live without – it’s MARTY!!
MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera]
But what Sharon doesn’t realise is we’ve got a camera in the bathroom. Ha-ha-ha!!
ANNIE
Oh, that’s disgusting!
She must know that we can see her!
HECTOR
Ooh, I think it is quite clever!
MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera]
But what are Paul and Mandy doing in the living room?
BRIDGET
They’re kissing.
They’re kissing.
NICK
They’re not kissing, they’re whispering.
BRIDGET
What? Do you call this whispering?
NICK
Aaah! Let’s think of another name for it!
BRIDGET
Paul and Mandy said they could live without kissing for twenty four hours, and look – they’ve failed!
MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera]
And Paul and Mandy lose points for that. We’ve caught them kissing – see you after the break!
VOICE OVER/ADVERTISEMENT
Can You Live Without is sponsored by Clouds Toilet Tissue.
ANNIE
Well, I couldn’t live without kissing Hector for twenty four hours.
BRIDGET
Why don’t you try?
ANNIE
Hector! I wish you’d stop chewing gum!
I’m not chewing.
Yes you are! You’re always chewing.
No … ooh-ooh.
I bet you couldn’t stop chewing gum for twenty four hours.
Well yes I could, and anyway you suck your thumb.
I do not.
Well, only when I’m stressed.
Hey! I’ve had an idea!
Oh no!
… We could be contestants on – Can You Live Without …?
Oh/ah/hmm/oh.
We could do it.
It’s just twenty four hours of giving up our favourite things! It would be easy! Think of the prize money!
And Marty Ross presents it.
He would come to my apartment again!
Oh no!
Oh Marty, he’s got such good taste.
And this is fantastic – original.
So what happened to Marty?
Oh, he said he needed time away from me to really appreciate me.
Oh, so he dumped you then.
He did not! Ow!!
Anyway, Bridget, are you feeling persuasive?
Of course, I’m always feeling persuasive.
Well, it’s time to persuade Marty that we want to go on Can You Live Without … And then Marty can make it happen.
I’ll try.
Loud thumping noise
Ow!!!
Mr Ross to Studio B please.
Hello Marty.
Hello.
Ah, erm, …
Bridget!
Bridget?
Bridget, Eunice’s researcher!
We had dinner last month.
Oh, that Bridget, erm, what do you want?
I’ve got something to say.
Well, I’m not the father!
… Oh no! Nothing like that!
MARTY ROSS
Oh well, what is it then?
My friends and I want to be contestants on Can You Live Without …
Oh, I wish I could help you, but it’s not my decision, it’s the producer’s. Now, I must go.
Erm, you can’t help me.
Well that’s a shame.
Yes it is.
Because I’d hate for the newspapers to see this. Ah-huh. Or this. Hmm.
Where did you get them?
Hah! Don’t you remember? I’m Eunice’s researcher.
I research! Oh, I wish I could help you, but it’s not my decision, it’s the newspapers’.
All right, all right. I’ll see what I can do.
I love the TV show Can You Live Without …
It’s time to persuade Marty that we want to go on Can You Live Without …
I think Bridget, Nick, Hector and I should go on it.
Sometimes I wonder whether Hector can live without chewing gum!
Hector, I wish you’d stop chewing gum!
Guess what! I persuaded Marty Ross to get us on Can You Live Without …
… Because I’d hate for the newspapers to see this. Ah-hah. Or this.
If we can live without our favourite things, we’ll win a super holiday.
We could do it! It’s just twenty four hours of giving up our favourite things!
It will be easy for me, but I don’t know about the others.
Ow!!
It’s time for Can You Live Without … And here’s someone you just can’t live without – IT’S
MARTY!!
Hello darlings!
Do you want to spend the next twenty four hours with me?!
YEAH!!
Correct answer! Yes, let’s see what the people who live – here, can live without.
But huh, it looks like they live without anything, anyway!
Now, let’s meet the contestants
You first, pretty lady, what’s your name?
Oh, you already know my name, Marty.
Hah-hah-hah, we have a pretty joker here!
Don’t get smart, sweetie, this is my show, photo or no photo.
Erm, Bridget.
Good luck, Bridget.
… And who do we have here?
Hello. My name is Annie and I’m Hector’s girlfriend – and I love Charley, erm, my, my dog.
So, which one could you live without?
Oh, erm …
Ha-ha, enough said! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
And this is Hector. So, Hector, Annie loves her dog more than you, ha-ha-ha-ha!
Mind you, Hector does sound like a dog’s name, doesn’t it! Here Hector, here boy! Oh-oh, don’t bite!
And, last of all and least of all, ha-ha-ha-ha, it’s erm, hello, is anybody there? I know, you’re a fish, ha-ha-ha-ha!
Ahm, hi … [sound of Nick clearing his throat/stumbling over words] … Erm, Nick.
Hi, N-N-Nick! And what do you like?
[sound of Nick stumbling over words]
Bananas!
Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba …
Baboons, you like baboons! You are a baboon then!
You’re a small baboon!
Ba-ba-ba …
… It’s not baboons. You like b-babes!
B-irds …
Sorry, this is Nick and he likes babes.
Well, let’s get on with it.
As usual, each of these contestants has picked one thing that their flatmates cannot live without for twenty four hours!
Bridget – you must live without chocolate [ah!] mirrors [ah!] and makeup! [Ahh!]
Annie, you must live without touching Hector, sucking your thumb and most of all, you must live without Charley!
Hector, you must live without – touching Annie and chewing gum.
Nick, you must live without talking about babes, or talking about motorbikes! And all of you must live without television, magazines and music – twenty four hours of living without starts now!!
Come on, Charley. You’re coming with me.
Don’t forget – I’ll be watching!
No television!
Aah!
No touching. If you touch, we lose points and we won’t win a big prize. Aaah!!
No makeup, what must I look like? Ah!!
Ah-ah-ah-ah, and no mirrors!
[Makes baboon-type noises]
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Look at that guy, he looks like a monkey at the zoo! So how will they do? Top points could mean a holiday in the Caribbean!
But- if they fail they lose points and their prize holiday could be this!
Of course we might give them one or two temptations to make interesting television.
Join me after the break!
So, Bridget has to live without make-up, mirrors and chocolate.
Aah!
Annie mustn’t suck her thumb and Hector must stop chewing gum. Oh, Hector and Annie mustn’t touch each other.
You must live without touching Hector.
Me? I mustn’t talk about babes and motorbikes.
Nick, you must live without talking about babes, or talking about motor bikes.
That doesn’t stop me dreaming about them, though!
Twenty four hours of living without starts now!
I think it’s going to rain.
Do you?
I agree.
Manchester United are doing well.
Are they?
I agree.
I think it’s going to rain.
Weather and football, is that all you can talk about?
No, well yesterday I met this really cute b…
Aaah!
Don’t say it! Do not talk about babes or motorbikes!
Hey!
Careful!
Bridget, no mirrors, you lose ten points!
But it’s not a mirror, it’s a kettle!
Don’t argue! You lose another ten points!
Well, it’s all quiet now! Ha-ha-ha! What about some temptation!
Hector, what is in your mouth?
Nothing.
Are you chewing gum, Hector?
No.
No he’s not. He’s chewing this!
Open!
That was from the Red Sea, it cost a lot of money.
Ah! Grr! I could kill for some chocolate!
Ha-ha-ha-ah! This should be fun!
Bridget, I love the show, oh, love from, oh, Orlando Bloom! Ah! Ah! Orlando Bloom, watching me!
Oh, I hope you didn’t hear me say that! Ha-ha-ha-ha! What do I look like? Oh, what do I look like?! Oh!!
What are you doing, Annie?
Oh! I’m talking to Charley!
Annie, you must live without Charley, you lose ten points! Ha-ha-ha!
What?!!
Hector, don’t move!
What is it?
It, it’s OK, just don’t move!
I’m not going anywhere!
Ooh, what Hector doesn’t know is that we’ve put that spider on his jumper! Ooh, this is wonderful TV!
Oh, think, think! Ah, one minute! Ah-ha! That’s better.
Now, we’ll just brush this little fellow off.
Don’t touch it!
It’s, it’s OK.
I’m sure it’s not poisonous!
How do you know?
Anyway, if you touch me, we will lose points!
[Making kissing noises]
Thank you, thank you – oh – mmm – prrr- prrr –prrr!
Yeah! [Sound of kissing] … … … Ah!
OK. Now – stay still! Hah!
Oh, oh-oh!!
Don’t move!
Hang on a minute!
Oh!
Hector! This is a toy!
Oh, ha-ha-ha! I knew that!
Oh Hector, you were so funny! Marty has played a trick on us!
Yeah, very funny!
Ooh! Who’s a cross boy?! Things are getting really hot now and they’ve still got over twelve hours to go!
You know Hector, I really think we can do this! We can win that holiday!
Mmm.
Hello Annie.
Bridget, what are you doing in there?
I’m erm, just reading the electricity meter.
Come here.
And why are you wearing dark glasses?
I don’t want Orlando to see me without make-up.
Bridget! Is that chocolate?!
Erm, no! Oh!
But they’re from Orlando! Oh!
Ha-ha-ha, no chocolate, Bridget, you lose one hundred points!
Nick has entered the building!
Nick!
Yes! Annie and Hector touched, they lose two hundred points!
What?!
It was an accident!
Ha-ha-ha! And best of all Nick, you can’t live without motorbikes! So you lose five hundred points!
No, no, no, no! You said, no talking about motorbikes, actually, big nose!
Yeah, Marty, so thanks for the present, you can keep your holiday! Hah!
What?! You can’t do that!
Baby, fancy a ride?
Ye-ah!
Oh Hector, this is for Marty, or should I say – Martina!
So Marty, if you want the bike, come and get it!
Sorry Marty, we can live without you!
Goodbye! Oh, and Marty I think your audience will love this picture of you!
Oh-no-no-no!!
Come on Annie, we have lots of catching up to do!
Oh Hector, catch me!
Next time in EXTRA! Nick plays Santa, while Hector and Annie play under the mistletoe …
Oh come all ye faithful, joyful and triumph …
EXTRA, don’t miss it!
Oh come ye, oh come ye to da-da-da-da!
Episode 27 Can You Live Without? ?