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GENDER DIFFERENCES IN COMMUNICATION
Differences in Communication between Males and Females
Communication between males and females has always been complicated. Communication is defined as “when two people interact, and intentionally or unintentionally, negotiate the meaning of any phenomenon”. Men and women typically use different strategies in communication. There are many stereotypes observed in society, which influence our perceptions and may lead to actual gender differences. Despite these assumptions, it has been proven through research that men and women differ in their communicative competency in terms of language and conversational styles.
According to Deborah Tannen, “communication isn’t as simple as saying what you mean. How you say what you mean is crucial, and differs from one person to the next, because using language is a learned behavior: how we talk and listen are deeply influenced by cultural expectations”.
Women and men are like people who have grown up in two subcultures – they have two broad different styles of speaking and establishing social status.
Language itself cannot be deemed good or bad, but it does reflect individual or societal values. Moreover, language is a very powerful element and the most common method of communication. In order to explore language differences between males and females childhood experiences of different language usage need to be studied.
Childhood Experiences in Language
The definition of gender is “the learned behaviors a culture associates with being male or female”. Much of the bias that people learn comes from early childhood experiences. Parents and peers speak differently to children regarding social rewards and goals. Therefore, boys are taught to be solid and impassive. They tend to play outside in large structured groups with aggressiveness and competitiveness with a winner and a loser. Also, they want to be the center of attention and achieve higher status by telling stories and jokes or challenging other stories or jokes. On the other hand, females are trained to demonstrate greater feelings and cooperation. Girls play in small groups or pairs and tend to have a more intimate relationship with other girls. They play fair and take turns with no winners or losers. Another important aspect in communication for women is they sit and talk about concerns of seeking approval and popularity.
Different Language Usage
Breakdown in communication occurs because men and women are playing by different rules. Social rules are reflected through language and demonstrating unequal power relations based on gender. There is a gender hierarchy in society with male domination and female subordination reflected in language structure and use, which explains the dominance perspective. There is a woman’s language, which is discriminatory towards women because it indicates subordinate status; it is expressed as submissive and hesitant speech. Men’s speech is believed to be forceful and authoritative to restrict women’s language.
Also, there are words in the English language that have been sexually bias toward women. The uses of masculine words are made to reference or conceal women language. The definition of women language “relates to the observation that women are more often discussed in terms of relationship, whereas men are more often discussed in terms of what they do”.
Conversational Differences
Evidence has shown that women do a greater amount of conversational work than men. Women facilitate conversation as a way to explore solutions to common problems while men concern themselves more with receiving information. Women look for a human connection, while men consider status to be most important. They are looking for independence and higher accomplishment. There are several observed functional differences that may contribute to the stereotype of women as emotional speakers and men as rational speakers. Women converse to learn about others and the essence of relationships.
Women’s speech is viewed as being more proper and polite, regardless of the topic. Men use more assertive, deliberate patterns of speech to claim authority.
There has been a lot of research on turn taking and interruptions. Studies indicate that men have more talking time than women. Interruptions are one of the methods that are used to gain the floor and determine the topic of the conversation. Interruptions are violations of turn taking rules of conversation. They occur when the listener begins to speak before the speaker has uttered his/ her last word. An interruption may not even be intended but men are responsible 96% of the time. This shows that they often infringe on a woman’s right to finish her talking. Therefore, men and women differ in having conversations in public and private.
Public and Private Conversations
Self disclosure is defined as sharing of private feelings, thoughts, beliefs and attitude. Women are generally more likely to disclose information that is intimate when at home to find connections by interpreting the message as support or concern. But, men, on the other hand, want to dominate instead of finding connections. Although women and men have been found to differ in self-disclosure, women are more likely to talk about personal feelings and men talk about their interest.
Women seem to talk more in private conversations than men. Women fear less of intimacy and therefore are much more open with one another during private conversations. It is more difficult for women to use this type of communication in the public arena. In that case, it is men that do most of the talking because communication is used as weapon. They want to command attention and gain agreement. The reason that women dominate private conversations is that once men get home, they do not feel the need to continue to protect their status. Men tell more stories and jokes about contests or nature, fishing and hunting, while women use story telling to gain support from her personal networks.
Gender Differences in Non Verbal Communication
Gender differences can also be evident in nonverbal communication styles. Non-verbal or unspoken communication is not limited to face and body movements and gestures. It also includes, but is not limited to, touch, space, volume, eye contact, and the use of time.
Revealing Facial Expressions
Unlike poker-faced men, women tend to show what they are thinking. However, women are also better than men at reading expressions. So, a woman’s inability to contain her facial features is probably a greater benefit to other women. The ability to read faces is an important one.
For example, you ask a co-worker what she thinks of a recommendation made by your team. She tells you she is all for it, but her narrow eyes and tightly compressed mouth may signal that she is angry. If the message sender’s face does not match her words, you know that the communication may not be authentic. Follow-up questions may reveal undisclosed issues.
Tone
Men tend to speak more loudly than most women. This may occur because girls are taught from an early age to moderate their voices and to be “lady-life” while boys are encouraged to speak up.
In some cultures, like Japan, the difference may be even more pronounced. Although a soft tone does not mean that the speaker is not in a position of authority, it can be perceived as weak. Soft-spoken women must learn to project their voices or risk being talked over. Conversely, speakers with greater volume must learn to yield to softer voices, when necessary.
Smiling and Nodding
Women smile to encourage others. They may also nod to signal support for the speaker and as a sign of understanding. However, neither of these non-verbal cues indicate agreement with the speaker.
Men – and even other women – may be confused by this seemingly mixed message. In order to avoid signaling agreement you do not feel, head nodders may need to tame the habit. And, if you are in a conversation with a woman who is nodding, be sure to ask for more information before you assume agreement.
Body Alignment
When women engage in conversation, they approach from the front and prefer to stand toe-to-toe. Men generally approach from the side and at an angle. Women interpret the angled posture as aloof and disinterested.
Men, on the other hand, interpret her preferred stance as aggressive or too close. It might even be perceived as flirtatious. They may be uncomfortable. A woman, armed with this information, should consider the topic of conversation and their respective roles, then adjust her positioning accordingly.
Less Time and Space
Women seem more aware of ensuring equal time and space for all. This may be because women have traditionally been taught to take care of others, sometimes to their own detriment.
Men also tend to interrupt women and talk over them. In a work environment, this behavior undermines team dynamics and erodes trust. Men can greatly enhance group communications and interpersonal relationships by yielding air time.
Most Generalized Communicative Manners
There are numerous theories on gender differences in communication. Some theories teach that the differences are natural or innate, others that they are nurtured or learned. The third ones state that there are no differences when speaking to an audience and that we are all the same.
Below goes a list of the most generalized communicative manners of men and women. The list of the characteristics is based on studies of how boys and girls communicate from preschool to adulthood. Still, we should bear in mind that we are not stereotypical, each individual may have qualities that are of their opposite.
This list has two basic applications. One is with colleagues, those we work or interact with. The other application is with loved ones, our family and close friends. Wherever and whenever we are communicating, understanding the differences can enhance our ability to communicate thus resolving various problems in relationships.
Women
Men
Men can learn sensitivity, openness, and self control with competitiveness when communicating with women. Women can learn to be more direct, assertive, and mirror the feelings of the men who they have to communicate with.
The list is not to make women into male communicators and men into female communicators. This list is a starting point to improve communication with the opposite sex.
Summary
In our society, despite stereotypes there are absolute differences between women’s and men’s communication styles. To reduce miscommunication males and females must learn to interpret the messages being sent to them. In effective communication they must realize that the experience of childhood affects the understanding of language and conversational styles. If the two cultures can learn to combine their styles of communication, the male and female communication gap can be bridged.