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Falling Into Lust
One More Night Trilogy
Selene Chardou
Falling Into Lust
One More Night Trilogy
Copyright © 2013 Selene Chardou
All Rights Reserved.
Cover Artist: Stephanie Nelson
ISBN: 978-1-3010-0180-4
Publisher: Midnight Engel Press, LLC
Table of Contents
Dedication
Falling Into Lust Playlist
Chapter One – Anticipation
Chapter Two – Set Up
Chapter Three – Happy Birthday to Me
Chapter Four – Gotta Have Faith
Chapter Five – Reality Bites
Chapter Six – The Concert
Chapter Seven – Just a Taste
Chapter Eight – Pieces of Kaz
Chapter Nine – Dinner & a Proposal
Chapter Ten – Good Advice
Chapter Eleven – Sealing the Deal
Chapter Twelve – Change
Chapter Thirteen – With You
Chapter Fourteen - Decisions
About the Author
Contacts & Resources
Upcoming and Current Novels & Novellas
Dedication
To my fans out there. This one is for you!
Falling Into Lust Playlist
“One More Night” - Maroon 5
“Stronger” – Thirty Seconds to Mars’ version (originally performed by Kanye West)
“The Dope Show” - Marilyn Manson
“Ava Adore” - The Smashing Pumpkins
“Closer” - Nine Inch Nails
“Ready to Go” - Republica
“6 Underground” - Sneaker Pimps
“Personal Jesus” - Depeche Mode
“Free Fallin’” - Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
"So Cruel" - U2
“Savin’ Me” - Nickelback
“Hurricane” - Sixty Seconds to Mars
“Trippin' On a Hole in a Paper Heart” - Stone Temple Pilots
“Complicated” - Rihanna
“Love Bites” - Def Leppard
“Scar Tissue” - Red Hot Chili Peppers
“Darling Nikki” - Foo Fighters’ version (originally by Prince and the Revolution)
“Tonight I'm Fucking You” - Enrique Iglesias feat Ludacris
“Rock Star” - Nickelback
“Little Bad Girl” - David Guetta feat. Taio Cruz & Ludacris
“Digital Bath” - Deftones
Chapter One
Anticipation
I will happily admit to being a mega-bitch.
That is all anyone needs to know about me to understand the tale I am about to tell. My background is irrelevant and so is what I look like except to the men who find me attractive. I have had two best friends my whole life: Faith, and Laurel. They are both gorgeous and beautiful women who I’ve grown up with and known since we were children. It doesn’t hurt we run in the same social circles and have pretty much done everything together.
We tell each other about every gritty detail that is going on in our lives and that is what makes our relationship so unique. We can rely on one another and that is very rare. Although we are all so very different, we compliment one another and there is absolutely no envy or jealousy between us. I suppose all women claim that with their best friends but in our case, it is completely true.
Anyway, when I walked down to my grandfather’s study on that beautiful afternoon in early spring, I had one thing on my mind and one thing only: my twenty-third birthday. It was hard to believe I was starting to get old and it seemed like yesterday I had just turned twenty. Where the hell did all the time go?
I shrugged off my thoughts of my slowly dwindling youth and knocked on the door before I opened it and smiled at my grandfather. He truly was a precious sight to behold and because I knew him better than I did my own mother or father, I wouldn’t have trusted anyone else to arrange the celebration for my birthday even if it wasn’t a milestone.
He smiled at me, his silver-blond hair as perfect as his handsome face and steel blue eyes, the same color as mine. Although he was my grandfather, he was barely in his mid-sixties and still as virile and vibrant as ever.
“Ah, my beautiful and only granddaughter, how is it going?” he greeted in a warm voice which melted my heart and made me grin in return.
“Very good, Granddad. How about you? You seem very happy this morning and please don’t tell me all of this is about a simple birthday party you are planning for little ole moi.”
He stood and walked over to me. “But it is. You’re my heart and it gives me great pleasure to keep you satisfied. All the arrangements have been made and the party will be held on my brand new Yacht, the Landvik III. That isn’t all though. Guess who I managed to get to perform for you on the most special day in your life?”
Mmm, that would definitely be a surprise. I liked a lot of different artists and although I listened to my share of pop, hip-hop and neo-soul, rock and roll was my favorite music genre. He knew this too and it wouldn’t be as much fun if he had gotten some artist like artist like Jay-Z, Eminem or Britney Spears. I loved them all but they weren’t exactly artists I could flirt with and perhaps end up sharing a night or two rolling around in my silk sheets.
“Um…Winter’s Regret?” I wondered out loud.
It was no secret most of the band was single and they were a great rock and roll band with touches of 90s alternative. Their music was deep yet addictive, kind of like Deftones meets Marilyn Manson, but they were fairly new and only had one album released. Their sophomore album would be out in a week or so but that was pretty much all I could think about them as a group off the top of my head. They also had a habit of pulling outrageous antics which had them constantly featured on TMZ or the gossip section of Society Magazine.
I knew they were going on tour that summer with Scarlet Fever and afterwards, they would be working on their third album but when that one would be released was anyone’s guess.
“Nope. I did you one better. As you know, the Gillian family wasn’t exactly jazzed when their youngest son decided to try his hand in the music business and at one time thought of disowning him. However, now that his band has four albums under their belt and they are a genuine sensation, their feelings have changed.
“I personally spoke with Kasper this morning and told him all about you and how it was your birthday. They have an upcoming break before they head back into the studio to polish their latest album and they have agreed to play at your birthday. I won’t lie—the money I offered them was just too good to turn down and I truly believe it would make you happy to see them in the flesh.”
I screamed out loud before I embraced my grandfather. “That is so awesome! Oh my God! You mean Scarlet Fever is playing at my birthday celebration? Like, wow, Granddad. I don’t know what to say. This is the best news I have gotten in forever.”
He touched my cheek lovingly as we separated. “I would do anything to see you genuinely happy, you know that, don’t you?”
His sudden seriousness took me completely off guard. “Of course, Granddad, and I am happy. You make me happier than any man I’ve ever known, even my own father.”
“That’s good to know.” He smiled at me again before he casually dismissed me.
I had so many calls to make but my first stop would be lunch at one of the hottest restaurants in Manhattan with BFF number two, Laurel.
“Oh my freakin’ God, how cool is that? Scarlet Fever makes my panties go all wet and gooey.”
I rolled my eyes before I sipped from my Cosmopolitan. “That is so gross, Laurel, especially since we just ordered lunch. I am thinking about sending the crab cakes back.”
“Sorry! It’s just…this is gonna be such a bitchin’ birthday and I love it! I am excited for you to be honest. You think my cheapskate dad would have splurged on Scarlet Fever for my twenty-third birthday? My mom was like, ‘It’s not a special occasion’. I was lucky to get the celebration I did receive.”
She was right because her birthday had been totally low key with her friends and our respective boyfriends at the time in tow. That was two months ago and now that we were both single and dumped the douchebags we’d been dating, our life was definitely looking up.
Laurel and I had a different relationship from Faith and I because we were both fun loving, crazy girls. We liked hot bad boys and one night stands. We partied a lot together and because of our different looks, we made the perfect combination.
I was naturally honey blonde with flaxen highlights and blue-gray eyes. I was almost model-tall at 5’8” and weighed one hundred and thirty pounds. I know it sounds chunky but on my height, I didn’t have an extra roll or piece of cellulite to be found. I was complete muscle and gristle thanks to all the sports I’d played as a child.
Laurel, on the other hand, was exotic and beautiful with her olive skin, long silky dark brown hair which she constantly played with by adding different highlights. At the moment, she sported thick chunky auburn-brown highlights running through and the look was stunning on her. Her eyes were hazel-green and she had cheeks that could cut glass and a pouty full mouth that drove all the men crazy. She was of average height at 5’4” and about one hundred and ten pounds.
Her exotic looks came from a mother who was half-Dutch and half-Creole from Southern Louisiana while her father was Danish. We had been friends for so long, attending the same boarding schools and deciding to skip college altogether that it had been fun to have someone around who loved to shop and was as liberated with her body as I was and continued to be.
We certainly didn’t consider ourselves sluts or easy but we also knew how to have a good time and for me, that was the most important part of our relationship. Neither of us judged the other and we were free to be ourselves.
“This is going to be so cool. I can’t wait. Is it really two days before your birthday?” Laurel complained before she sipped from her mojito.
“’Fraid so but I’ll tell you what? Why don’t you stay over at my apartment for the next couple of days? We need to shop anyway and we get the perfect opportunity to really get ready for my ultra-cool birthday bash in style. How about it?”
“Well count me in because shopping and fucking are my two favorite past time activities.”
We smiled at one another before we downed the rest of our drinks and prepared to order another round.
I could feel it in my bones: my party was gonna rock big time!
Chapter Two
Set Up
Friday came much too soon for my liking but I had to admit Laurel and I had fun on Thursday. We really did burn up the Centurion—also known as the black American Express card—on Fifth Avenue. We couldn’t just have one outfit for the weekend cruise because that would be uncouth. We had to have multiple possibility outfits so we each bought three different outfits for every day we would be on the boat.
That day, Friday, we would board the Yacht and there was a meet and greet with the band just for my pleasure and Laurel’s of course. We managed to have our own very intimate dinner with Scarlet Fever and that was driving us both crazy because it was such a cool opportunity. However, my grandfather was paying a hefty price to book them so there wasn’t much that would be denied for my benefit.
I had invited quite a few acquaintances and frenemies only because it would make great gossip later although the vast majority of the people attending my birthday party were acquaintances of my grandfather and my mother. They would pretty much be shut off to themselves because while this was a full fledged vacation for me, both my grandfather and mother were shrewd business-people and they seemed to exist on pure adrenaline alone with all the deals they made on a weekly basis.
It still was pretty cool though because that meant there would only be about ten of us actually watching Scarlet Fever perform and if that wasn’t an intimate crowd then I don’t know what would be considered one.
Laurel and I were some of the first to arrive and quickly found our cabins which were side by side. The Landvik III was no ordinary Yacht. My grandfather had made his money from Landvik Cruise Line, Norwegian Cruise Line’s biggest competitor because my grandfather happened to be Norwegian too. Before he’d gone in the Cruise business, he built boats specifically for oil drilling in North Sea.
Yes, it was true, his family had money but my grandfather was a self-made billionaire and had created an empire because he sailed to places Norwegian and Caribbean Cruise Lines’ wouldn’t touch. There was the famous cruise from Israel to South Africa (I could only guess he was paying the pirates off the Somali Coast not to attack); a cruise that took you from Colombia all the way to Chile; cruises that explored the Gulf of Mexico. And of course the ultimate cruise, the “Ice Cap” cruise as it was called.
One huge crack in the polar ice caps made it possible to venture all the way to Greenland from Russia and it was one of the most popular cruises and sold out way more than cruises to Alaska ever would.
My grandfather considered himself a businessman but then again, so did my mother. There was a reason why I didn’t have a real dad other than my grandfather. My mother slept with a married man for the specific purpose of getting pregnant with a baby and that was it. She had a string of affairs but she would never marry because her father’s business would land in her lap and she wasn’t the type of businesswoman who liked to share.
It was quite ironic she ended up with someone like me for a daughter who didn’t give a damn about business, considered myself one of those “stupid girls” Pink talked about in her famous single—except I didn’t own a dog that resembled an emaciated rat because of a rare yet unfortunate allergy to domestic animals. I had no ambitions or hobbies outside of shopping, clubbing and spending money I had not worked to make.
Laurel came to my luxurious cabin suite after she’d settled in. She laid out on my bed and turned my way. “So, this is the big time. We’re about to meet rock stars. Are you excited, nervous or both?”
I laughed before I opened a bottle of Cristal champagne and poured us both fluted glasses full. “Listen, I don’t get nerves around any man, rock star or not. They’re normal just like us and besides, I always get what want so why should I worry?”
She sipped from her champagne and pondered out loud, “True. I just heard Kasper is an asshole and doesn’t give women the time of day unless you are looking for a one night stand and nothing else. Are you ready to handle that?”
“Is this from personal experience?” I wondered out loud.
Laurel was a great friend and woman but she was a bit of a rock groupie and had been with quite a few famous musicians. Unfortunately, she didn’t kiss and tell but she always made sure said incident was well documented with her Ulysse Nardin smart phone. There were always plenty of racy photos she could have sold to the tabloids for mega bucks but she would never embarrass or tarnish her family’s name or reputation in such a tawdry fashion.
“No, it isn’t because I haven’t slept with anyone from Scarlet Fever.”
“Seriously? I’m shocked.”
“Oh shut up! Let’s just meet these guys and get this whole ‘meet and greet’ over already.”
“We’ll get there soon enough but first, let’s finish this bottle of champagne.”
Both of us looked at one another before we both burst into giddy and girlish laughter.
The “Meet & Greet”, otherwise known as the first night’s dinner with all my friends—associates and frenemies included—and the band, was without a doubt one of the best occasions in my young life. Scarlet Fever, the band, was absolutely terrific, but the members were cooler than I’d ever imagined.
This wasn’t my first time meeting them. After all, I’d had backstage passes before but it wasn’t the most intimate situation to push groupies out of the way just to say hello to someone from the band. I looked at all the fake blondes and brunettes with extensions down their back, their slutty clothing and “fuck-me” shoes, and rolled my eyes before I double timed it out of there after a quick meeting with the band.
However, since they were here specifically for my birthday, it was a different situation. Scarlet Fever consisted of Kasper Gillian, also known as Kaz, who was lead singer and sometime guitar player; Jaden Cox, known simply as “Cocky” to the fans, lead guitarist and major player thanks to his good looks which rivaled Kasper’s; Will Cullen, nicknamed “Skillz” one of the best bass guitar players in the world while looks-wise, he made the women swoon with his blond hair, sky blue eyes and a body cut like a professional tennis player—tall and lean with hidden muscles everywhere one looked; and last but not least, Grant MacMullen, also known as “Mac”, the drummer who was originally from Seattle and had a face and body of Adonis so his bed was rarely empty. In fact, some people thought he was better looking than Kasper and should have been the front man but his voice wasn’t strong enough to carry the band nor did he have the charisma.
I flitted about my own party, talking to friends and virtually ignoring the band since they were getting their fair share of attention from my friends. Not that I cared. Kasper and Co. were there for my benefit and if he had any intentions of sleeping with my female friends, he was dead wrong.
After a couple of hours of socializing and still not introducing myself to any of the band besides Grant and Will, I walked outside and found a comfortable place to sit. I lit a Camel and inhaled deeply before I exhaled. The sky was dark and stormy and I couldn’t believe rain threatened my birthday, especially since we were sailing toward the Caribbean and the weather was supposed to be perfect. Blue skies, gentle winds and whiter than white sand set against the lush backdrop of paradise on earth known for its wonderful seafood and alcoholic concoctions…what could possibly go wrong?
A beautiful man walked over beside me and lit a Marlboro before he blew the smoke out into the wind. He was taller than me by more than half a foot with a beautiful lean and gorgeous tanned body. He possessed shoulder-length brown hair with natural highlights and the most gorgeous aquamarine eyes I’d ever come across. I was standing next to the one and only Kasper Gillian.
The only reason why I knew what he looked like was because I liked Scarlet Fever’s music and he’d also grown up in the same social circles as me but once he’d found international success, he traded in his pedigree and breeding for street cred.
“So, you’re the birthday girl?” he teased before he turned toward me with a Northern East Coast accent he had not managed to fully lose.
“Guilty as charged,” I responded back before our eyes met and for the first time, I felt the heat and electricity between us.
It was an addictive and seductive power that seemed to hold me in a death grip, and I felt like a magnet being pulled towards him and his energy. I couldn’t explain why I had such a connection to a guy I didn’t even know all that well but there it was: insta-lust in all its perfection and miserable glory.
“You’re beautiful and I can see why you have been avoiding me.” Kasper dragged from his cigarette again. “I seem to have a certain…effect on women.”
I laughed out loud because as clever as he was, he certainly had never met a woman like me. “Listen, I don’t just cream my panties because I meet a rock star.” I dragged on my cigarette before I flicked it into the ocean. “Sorry, not my style.”
He inched closer and I could smell his intoxicating cologne with hints of cypress, absinthe, sage and violet. I would recognize Love & Luck by Ed Hardy in a heartbeat so although not highly original, at least he smelled good enough to devour. “I figured as much when you weren’t seated in my lap within five minutes of this ‘meet and greet’. In fact, I thought you acted a bit rude for not introducing yourself.”
“Actually, I did meet Will and Grant but I wasn’t about to approach you and Jaden. You two are way too volatile and there were too many people surrounding you.”
“Call me, Kaz,” he whispered.
“It’s Syd for me but my real name is Sydney.”
“Yes, I know. About your real name I mean. You don’t receive a check we did and forget the guest of honor’s name. That would just be plain uncouth.”
I giggled and realized I’d had way too much to drink. I had no intention of falling in this man’s bed tonight. Perhaps on my birthday he would get lucky but the chase was something I enjoyed way too much to give up my goodies so easily.
Too much perhaps for this arrogant rock star who was used to women throwing their panties at him on stage.
“Oh, wow…the man remembers all the big words from our formal social upbringing. Uncouth, huh? Why not just say ‘rude’ or ‘not very professional’?”
“Yeah, you not making the time to say hello is that too.” He looked out towards the water and sighed. “I can see you are going to be a tough nut to crack. Your grandfather said we were one of your favorite groups but you sure aren’t acting like it.”
I wore a very revealing scarlet dress courtesy of Christian Dior and a pair of matching Yves Saint Laurent Tribute sandals. “And what should a proper reaction be if you don’t mind my asking?”
“I don’t know…I’m pretty toasted tonight after all the free and very expensive champagne. What do you think?”
I smiled slyly before I hitched my hands under my dress while keeping it in place and pulling down a matching lace thong. Slowly, I undid them from around my ankles without slipping off my shoes and handed them to him.
“Is that a fitting enough tribute because that is as close as you’re ever going to get to my pussy tonight, lover boy.”
He grabbed them and sniffed the seat. They were literally soaking wet with my juices and for some reason I found this to be a major turn-on.
“You smell fresh and sweet, like strawberries on a hot summer day.”
I smiled again at him. “Thanks for coming out all this way to meet with me. I look forward to the concert tomorrow night on my birthday. Goodnight, Kaz.”
His aquamarine eyes stared into mine before he replied, “Goodnight, Sydney.”
I walked away and felt like I’d won a small victory. After all, I had managed to get the lead singer of Scarlet Fever highly intrigued with me yet I had done nothing at all to degrade myself. Yes, the scarlet thong had been La Perla and not exactly cheap but it wasn’t something I would miss either. I had dozens of pairs of the exact same thong I’d just given to Kaz thoughtlessly.
Chapter Three
Happy Birthday To Me
“So, what happened to you last night?”
I nursed a massive hangover from too much alcohol and not enough sleep as Laurel’s voice invaded my psyché.
“I was tired and decided to retire early. Today is my birthday, after all.”
She smiled before she embraced me and kissed my cheek. “Happy birthday, honey…do you feel old yet?”
My mouth twisted into a downturn. “I’m not old, I’m only twenty-three. Jeez, give me some credit already.”
“Well, it didn’t stop the seduction scene that happened between you and Kaz. You do realize everyone knows about the panty incident last night? He shared it with his bandmates and those kind of incidents take on a life of their own. Do you know about the rumors floating about between you two? One story was you gave him a blow job and then handed him your panties as a way of owning him,” Laurel explained as she handed me a cup of coffee and sat next to me.
“Please don’t tell me you believe that bullshit. Why would I give a man my panties after giving him a taste of my oral skills? That makes no sense.”
“Especially since everyone knows you are the biggest tease of the year and still a virgin!” Laurel exclaimed in a snarky tone before she became serious again. “Tell me, you aren’t thinking of…you know giving it up to a rocker, are you?”
“Maybe,” I mused before I drank my coffee. “I’m officially twenty-three, Laurel. Being a virgin at eighteen is cute—at twenty-three, I’m practically towing the line of major freak status here. Better to just get it over with then keep playing with guys by giving them blow jobs. I’m ready for the real thing.”
“You’ve waited this long. Why not let it be with someone you really care about, you know? Kaz is a stranger to you and furthermore, he’s a rock star. He’s got a kid and an ex-wife. Do you really want to deal with all that bullshit even if something were to happen between you two? It seems like a lot of crap to put up with just to say you landed a rock god.”
“Good grief, Laurel, I just want one night with the guy—I don’t want to freakin’ marry him. And I want to get rid of my frigid status. I keep this up and I’ll be another Taylor Swift or something and everyone will think I am some sort of rich tease who is actually afraid to have sex.”
“I don’t know about frigid…but you are a tease, Sydney.”
It was hard to describe to any of my friends but my bravado was false and extremely exaggerated. I was absolutely terrified of having sex with a man. I could come off like a wanton sex kitten and do “everything but” however, so far, I had yet to “close escrow”. It was pretty embarrassing especially in the society circles that my friends and I all socialized freely. I was the only virgin because I was too scared of the pain that came with having sex.
I wasn’t talking about physical because I’d experienced more than enough of that. My real father had never “claimed” me because he was a politician with a beautiful perfect wife and two handsome sons who would eventually take over for him. As opposed to my friends…well, they didn’t need to know the truth. My biological father had inordinately scarred me for life simply because any rejection by a man emotionally was so palpable and brought on such horrific anxiety attacks, I’d decided to take the easy way out. I simply did not have sexual intercourse or go all the way.
I certainly was no saint and you would never ever hear me claim to be one. I had done my fair share of drugs and not only that, I’d had men go down on me and had gone down on men but vaginal sex alluded me and with good reason. I didn’t want the emotional nor the physical ties that went along with it and I was determined the first man who made love to me would make me remember the incident for the rest of my life. Not because it would be awful but simply because he would be simply unforgettable.
“I don’t know what I plan to do tonight, Laurel.” I finished my coffee and set the mug on the art deco coffee table. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I could use a few more hours of sleep so I can try to rid myself of a monster hangover that won’t fucking quit.”
My best friend stood and pursed her lips in exasperation. “Fine. But if you need me, you know where to find me!”
“Yes, I do,” I replied to myself before I watched her leave and contemplated what our plans were for my special day.
For a few minutes, I sat up in bed before I realized it was time to get the show on the road. Who was I kidding? I was dying to see Kaz again after my panty stunt the night before. He knew I was a wild one, which was good, but he also knew I wasn’t easy either, which was better in my book.
I didn’t mind giving up my virginity to him, after all, how many people could say their first time being physically intimate and going all the way with another human being was with a rock star? Not many except perhaps a handful of super groupies and whether they were to be believed or not was a whole other question people rarely asked themselves.
I stretched and got out of bed before there was a knock on my door and I yelled out, “What is it, Laurel?”
The door opened and I gasped as Faith walked in looking every bit the fashion plate she’d always been. I considered myself a pretty decent dresser but Faith blew us all away with her carefully prepared outfits and like Victoria “Posh” Beckham, she was never spotted without a pair of sky-high heels regardless what she decided to wear. The woman wouldn’t know what to do with a pair of Nike’s or ballet flats if you gave them to her.
Her long, naturally dark auburn hair was dyed flaxen blonde and her gray-green eyes sparkled seductively.
I ran over and embraced her without a word. We clung to one another and all I could do was inhale the intoxicating scent of her expensive perfume she had designed specifically for her unique body chemistry in an exclusive Parisian perfume boutique. A mixture of vanilla, freesia, and cinnamon, it was a scent that fit her alone and she left a lingering whiff of her signature perfume where ever she ventured.
We separated and I held her at arms length. “I thought you said it would be impossible for you to make it?”
“Well, I lied. I just didn’t want to face any demons from my past and it was just easier to make you think I couldn’t come because I had made some prior commitment but…that wasn’t true and I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I missed your birthday,” she explained as she touched my face with her right, perfectly manicured hand.
I allowed my arms to fall to their side and looked down at the simple cami top and women’s boxer shorts I still wore which I’d slept in. I still needed to take a shower and get dressed.
“How did you get on the yacht? I didn’t think we’d reached Nassau yet.”
Faith stared at me with a look of peculiarity in her eyes. “Actually, the yacht has been docked since early this morning. I took a private plane from Miami and your grandfather greeted me when I arrived.”
I began to walk around and straighten up my suite since my best friend was such a neat freak. “Is that where you’re living now? In Miami?”
“Nope. I’m in L.A. and I absolutely love living out there. All the great clubs, the famous men…and the shopping—I’m in absolute shopping heaven. It’s pretty lonely because I miss you and Laurel but that’s what private planes are for. I can pop in to see you two any time I want to so it’s not that bad.” Faith walked around the suite with her hands on her slender hips before she faced me again. “So where are the members of Scarlet Fever?”
“Around if they haven’t disembarked. They aren’t chained to the boat, you know, and they are probably buried in a bar enjoying way too many alcoholic concoctions for this early in the morning.”
“Laurel, you and I should hang out. I will let you get dressed and meet you in about thirty minutes, okay? Up on the deck so you won’t miss me.”
I smiled before I responded, “Now, that, my dear, won’t be hard.”
Chapter Four
Gotta Have Faith
After a quick shower, I slipped on a cute yet expensive Valentino lace and mesh sleeveless floral dress which went perfect with my blonde hair in a messy chignon and a comfortable pair of Christian Louboutin cream espadrilles which happened to not be sky high.
Laurel, on the other hand opted for low-key, Dolce & Gabbana multicolor stripe printed dress with spaghetti-straps and paired it with black, three-inch Chanel sandals. Faith, meanwhile went all out with a Victoria Beckham black organza sleeveless dress with a high necked collar and a floral design that could barely be seen because it was black. The only color she decided to wear were lime green accessories including sky-high Yves Saint Laurent Tribute high-heeled sandals and a matching clutch.
We all looked classically wealthy and it was easy to tell we did not belong to one of the Sandals tours that frequented this beautiful stretch of land. If I was honest, we kind of appeared to be younger versions of the women from Sex & the City minus Samantha since we were all the same age.
Out of all the islands in The Bahamas, Nassau was one of my favorites and we quickly found the hole in the wall we always visited when we came to the island and started indulging in our favorite tropical alcoholic beverages.
We each ordered a round for each other of our favorite drinks after we had toasted to my birthday with two hundred proof shots of rum.
As we held up our shot glasses, Faith said, “Okay, here is to having a fabulous birthday that rocks and kicks major ass. If anyone deserves happiness and a wonderful time, it is you. Time for you to get that stick out of your ass and have someone break that hymen of yours before you end up a twenty-five year old virgin.”
Laurel laughed out loud before she continued with, “And let’s hope it is a really hot guy who breaks it because I gave mine to Tim our senior year in high school and what a complete and total waste of time that relationship happened to be. So, have a wonderful and very exciting birthday!”
“Definitely! Happy birthday and mazel tov!” Faith exclaimed.
“Girl, your lily-white, Scots-Irish ass ain’t Jewish!” Laurel exclaimed before we all broke into girlish laughter.
“True but my step-father is so I can borrow the saying any time I want!” Faith retorted smartly.
“Thank you, sweeties! I love you both and here’s to me having a very cool birthday.”
We all downed our shots before Laurel ordered a round of mojitos.
“Jeez, the calories! This means extra hours in the gym next week.”
I glared at Faith. “You look absolutely fab, babe. What the hell is this about extra hours at the gym? Have you gone completely L.A. on us?”
“No. I do the gym only three times per week but I also do a kick boxing class which is great for keeping me in shape and self-defense.”
“Oh, don’t look now but we have company,” Laurel interrupted as she swigged from her mojito.
My eyes grew big as I saw Kaz and Co. head our way. They all looked like they’d had too much to drink but since when had that ever stopped men from doing what they did?
Faith’s gray-green eyes opened to the size of large saucers. “Shit! What are they doing here? This is a huge island and not many people know about this place unless they are intimately familiar with Nassau.”
“Maybe they are.” Laurel perked up and checked her reflection in her compact mirror once more.
“You look fine, babe.”
“I’ll be right back,” Faith exclaimed and before either Laurel or I could stop her, she ran away from the bar.
“What the fuck?” Jaden looked off in Faith’s direction. “Was that Faith Maguire?”
Laurel’s pretty hazel-green eyes narrowed. “How do you know Faith?”
“It’s nothing…never mind.” He smiled at Laurel and displayed a set of gorgeous white teeth. “How are you doin’? You look good enough to eat.”
My best friend recovered quite quickly and began to flirt with the stunning guitarist but my mind was on the gentle, warm hand wrapped around my upper left arm which belonged to Kaz.
“Why don’t you walk with me?” It came out as a question but it was definitely more of a statement and before I knew it, I stood and followed him as we began to stroll casually along a paved walkway.
“What’s this all about?” I wondered out loud.
I tried to sound casual but I just couldn’t pull it off. There was something about this man in particular that always had me on edge. Yes, he was a rock star but it was more than that. I was positive I would feel the same way about him whether he was a mechanic or belonged to a biker gang. The connection between us, the pull just didn’t stop because I was practically sober.
Men had never been an enigma to me despite my father never being a real parental figure in my life. I knew how to work them and play them like marionettes—otherwise, I would have fallen for some guy’s bullshit and lost my virginity years before that point in my life.
Kaz was special though. He seemed to know it and he treated me like I was special, which was a bit rich coming from someone who liked to bang groupies and run. Yes, I liked to know everything about a potential “male” in my life and his reputation preceded him. His blue-green eyes met mine and I smiled in return as we continued to walk in silence.
“I just wanted you to know that I have no clue what is going on but there is just something about you I find very appealing beyond the sexual sense of the word. You could really be someone, you know, important in my life and I couldn’t leave without telling you.”
I laughed out loud then as the rum and the few sips of mojito I’d had begun to kick in with a vengeance. “You’re some piece of work, you know that? Let me guess? It’s because my family is richer than God and I am easy on the eyes. Yeah, every sorry line you’re feeding me I have heard before. Don’t think you’ll be some kind of ‘virgin surgeon’ and I am just gonna hand my cherry over to you because you’re the lead singer of Scarlet Fever. Baby, if you want me, you are going to have to work for it.”
We stopped walking and he turned me toward him. Despite his intoxication, his eyes were clear and his expression, mesmerizing. “Don’t you think I already know that? I just wanted the air to be clear between us because to be completely honest, I don’t have time for games. I have a son and a bitch ex-wife who did nothing but play with my heart the whole time we were together.”
We resumed walking as he kicked a pebble away with the chocolate brown biker boots he wore despite being dressed in a pair white jeans which fit him perfectly and an army fatigue colored wife-beater.
“I really thought she was the one and we had something special. She was beautiful and the opposite of you in every way. Dominican and Croatian—what a combo, eh? Only in L.A.! However she wasn’t interested in me as a person. All she could see were the dollar signs and how much could I give her and that hurt me more than you can imagine.
“It’s been a year and a half since our marriage was dissolved and I’m still not over her. It wasn’t the fifty million dollar payout or the fact that she got shared custody of our kid despite having two full time nannies because her charities are more important than our son. It was the betrayal and the deception. I promised myself if I ever fell for another woman again, I would give it to her straight and if she couldn’t handle it then she wasn’t for me.”
I looked at him, mesmerized by his profile. “I don’t believe in games but then again, I have never been in love either so this isn’t easy for me and I wasn’t expecting…this when Scarlet Fever was hired to play at my birthday gig. I thought perhaps we could have some fun and then you would go your way and I would go mine.”
“Not gonna happen, baby girl, because I don’t roll that way. If you’re gonna be with me, you’re really gonna be with me and I can wait. I’m a patient man but if all I want is a quick roll in the hay, I can find that without any complications and we’ll just be the band that played on your twenty-third birthday. Do you feel me?”
I nodded my head as he looked at me before I inquired, “What was that all about? I mean, between Faith and Jaden knowing her name? I know she’s famous in our society circles but it’s not like she advertises who she is. I think she is using Faith Cohen in Los Angeles because she doesn’t want people to know who she is and Mel Cohen is her step-father.”
Kaz glared at me with cold aquamarine eyes. “That’s between Jaden and Faith but all I can tell you is there’s a bit of history there and it didn’t end well for either one of them. If they patch things up, it’s cool but she broke his heart and to be honest, I didn’t think he had one to break.”
“So, are you going to walk me back to the yacht or what? I really should start to pretty myself up for tonight’s festivities and I must admit it is a huge coup to know that Scarlet Fever will be playing especially for me.”
He stopped us from walking and grabbed me by the shoulders with a firm yet gentle grip. “What’s it gonna be, baby girl? I can see the wheels turnin’ in your head but I gotta know what’s gonna go down between us?”
I smiled ingratiatingly and tried to pull myself back together but his gaze, the feel of his warm skin on mine was making the task that much harder.
I could play the bitch and the vixen but showing my softer side was easier than I ever imagined with this man and he scared the living crap out of me. We didn’t know one another and had just met the previous night yet the pull was there, the energy was there. He was slowly breaking down the many barriers I had put up against love and lust and I didn’t like it one bit. If the walls around my heart were to fall down, it should have been my choice and I could see he’d made that impossible and somewhere deep inside, I hated myself for being so weak for him.
Somehow I managed to pull myself together before I licked my lips and replied in a raspy voice, “I’ll let you know tonight.”
“That’s good enough for me.” His left arm slid around my waist and we began to walk again. “In the meantime, it would be an honor to walk you back to the yacht.”
I smiled and thought if this was a game then today had been a draw based upon this conversation because neither of us had truly gotten what we had sought out and that hurt more than I ever thought it would.
Chapter Five
Reality Bites
True to his word, Kaz walked me back to the yacht and I called both Laurel and Faith to assure they were all right before I took a shower and dressed in my party gown. In my case, it was courtesy of my mother: a pale pink Hervé Leger bandage dress which was strapless and possessed a sweetheart neckline. It was a one of kind my mother had designed especially for me, her little princess.
I was about to leave my straight hair down before I realized it did nothing for my appearance and therefore, I slipped it into a chignon. After that, I fastened the expensive pink diamond necklace my grandfather had given me for my twenty-first birthday and slid into a pair of Yves Saint Laurent Tribute platform sandals in metallic pink.
I did my makeup with the utmost care, paying attention to dark eyeliner and mascara which brought out my blue-gray eyes, nude cover up and followed it by a pale pink gloss which only added a sexy sheen to my lips. Afterwards, I appraised myself in the mirror and had to admit I looked perfect. Five gold stars for me because I was absolutely irresistible that night.
There was a soft knock on my door as I began to spray perfume on the most intimate parts of me, including between my inner thighs, behind my ears and my forearms.
I looked towards the double set of doors as I set the bottle of SJP NYC down on the bureau before I said, “Come in.”
Faith walked in looking drop dead gorgeous as usual and I wondered how the hell she could manage to outdo me in the fashion department at my own birthday party. She wore a body-hugging, black Versace dress which was sleeveless with a signature print going down the sides. The dress showed the perfect amount of cleavage and since she’d paired the dress with black suede Dolce and Gabbana high heel sandals, she looked elegant and tasteful with her hair up in French Twist, understated makeup with the exception of bright red lipstick and her signature scent.
She walked over and embraced me before she whispered, “Happy birthday,” in my ear. “You look absolutely gorgeous. If you don’t score tonight with Kaz, I will be highly disappointed.”
“Speaking of the band, what happened to you earlier today? One minute we were all having drinks and the next minute, you ran out of there like your ass was on fire. What gives?” I said as we separated and stared at one another.
She shrugged her shoulders as she looked away and refused to face me. “I wasn’t ready to see Cocky yet and all the sudden, there he was. This was supposed to be our day, our girly tradition of getting drunk and having fun on one another’s birthday. Then he showed up at our place with the rest of the band and I knew what would happen. I can’t go through all that shit again.”
“So, it’s Cocky now? You must be pretty familiar with Jaden if you address him by his stage name.”
“Well, it’s not like he missed my company or anything. I heard he was all over Laurel like a cheap suit the moment I left.”
“For fuck’s sake, Faith, the guy was drunk and all they did was talk. I spoke to Laurel and nothing happened between them. She’s more into Will anyway and spent most of the day chatting him up.” I sighed because I didn’t want to get into an argument with her especially on the night when we were supposed to be having fun. “What ever happened between you and Jaden, you left a major impression…Kaz told me you broke his heart.”
“That motherfucker doesn’t have a heart to break!” Faith exclaimed in a sudden rush of anger before she calmed down and regained her composure. “We had a short lived affair in L.A. It didn’t last long because they were working on their album and getting all the details sorted for their upcoming tour with Winter’s Regret. It didn’t stop him from shagging some other chick he met while on the piss with the guys.”
“Listen to us—‘chatting him up’, ‘shagging’, ‘on the piss’—who the fuck do we think we are? Brits?” I laughed out loud and it wasn’t long before Faith joined in.
“Sorry, it’s that damned gap year we spent in the UK. Remember all the fun we had? I still love that time in our lives because for one whole year, the three of us were inseparable.”
I smiled at the memory too.
From age eighteen to nineteen, Laurel, Faith and I had spent a year in England. It was easy to do because both Laurel and I had European citizenship through our parents (mine came from my Norwegian grandfather and my mother by proxy and Laurel’s came from her Danish father). Faith’s mother was Scottish and had immigrated to the States as an adult while pregnant with her. She later met Faith’s step-father, whom she married, but her birth father was from Northern Ireland and still resided in the UK therefore she automatically had British citizenship being the daughter of two British citizens.
Three American chicks and we had had the time of our life living in a dope apartment in Canary Wharf while we traveled across Europe for weekends and weeks at a time. We managed to visit my grandfather’s homeland, Laurel’s father’s homeland not to mention all the times we visited Belgium, France, the Netherlands, Germany, Italy and Spain. We must have been to the Canary Islands at least ten times and Ibiza alone for five of them. It was a great time and we’d made some great memories.
Meanwhile, I’d still returned a virgin while Faith and Laurel had both done their damage and slept with quite a few men each.
Those were the good old days but at that moment, my mind was firmly in the present and a certain person I couldn’t wait to see.
“Come on, let’s get to the party because I desperately need a drink!” I proclaimed out loud.
We walked out together and strolled into the main ballroom where my friends and the band were hanging out. My mother and grandfather were there along with a handful of their friends but they had segregated themselves into a private section. I said my hellos and embraced both of them before everyone at their table wished me a happy birthday and shooed me away. Apparently, I’d interrupted a very important business conversation.
I joined Laurel and Faith who were seated at the head table with the band and noticed how Faith went out of her way not to address Jaden though he continued to stare in her direction. Laurel had brought her sister, Sasha, who favored the Danish genes more than she did. She looked slightly exotic with her light olive skin, amber-brown eyes and petite frame but the rest of her features were markedly Scandinavian with her small nose, perfect cheekbones and heart-shaped mouth. They were “Irish twins”, barely separated by eleven months but Sasha was the older and shyer of the two. She was sandwiched between Grant and Jaden which made it a bit awkward for her but she seemed to be holding her own.
Unlike us slackers, she actually had graduated from Yale University and possessed a degree in Marketing. She worked for a top advertising firm in Manhattan and what I didn’t know at the time Scarlet Fever had persuaded her to leave her prestigious position and be their personal press manager. The current one they had obviously wasn’t working out or so many of the shenanigans they got into wouldn’t have shown up in the press, especially TMZ, which seemed to have a hard-on for reporting every unsavory thing the band members had ever involved themselves or encountered through no fault of their own.
I sat down at my seat of honor which happened to be wedged between Kaz on my left and Faith on my right. Laurel sat next to her left and on the other side was Jaden. Not only had my best friend made it impossible for her ex to have a conversation with her but she didn’t have to look at him and her eyes never drifted in his direction though he glanced at her quite often.
Kaz turned to me while holding a glass of expensive Macallan in an elegant crystal glass and whispered in my ear, “You look beautiful.”
My insides shivered though on the outside my body was heated with desire and longing from the sound of his voice being so close to me; I wondered what the hell was wrong and why was a guy having this kind of effect on my body? It seemed wrong somehow because I had never needed men to make me happy.
I believed it was part of the reason why I was a twenty-three year old virgin with lots of sexual experience but not one man I’d met was special enough to break my cherry…yet. Perhaps I’d finally met my match and this terrified me because I wanted to make sure my defenses were up and in place. Somehow with Kaz, that wasn’t possible at all.
“What’s happening to you?” Faith inquired for my ears only. “You’re positively glowing. I do believe Kasper is working his usual magic but I just didn’t think it would affect you.”
She was right and this made me angry because that’s all this guy was doing. Yeah, he’d told me part of his life story but nothing I couldn’t have found out from the tabloids, online or Wikipedia for the matter. It meant nothing. Everything he did was just a prolonged seduction to get into my La Perla thong and that pissed me off big time because when I gave it up, it was going to be my decision and no one else’s.
I turned toward him and those gorgeous aquamarine eyes lit up his beautiful manly face. “Nice try but no cigar. I told you I wouldn’t play your game, Kaz—”
“And I also told you this wasn’t a game,” he hissed underneath his breath before he swigged from his scotch. “Listen, you don’t want to be with me, that’s fine. We’ll do our set and tomorrow, we’ll be off this goddamn yacht. I don’t have time to play with little girls who are too frightened to explore their own fuckin’ sexuality.”
And just like that he turned on me. There it was in all of its naked glory. The rock star side of him, that animal male side and the sexual side all rolled into one. He’d changed from a guy who genuinely liked me to the lead singer of Scarlet Fever in the blink of an eye who couldn’t give a fuck about anything or anyone. All that mattered was the music; the girls, the parties, the booze and the drugs were inconsequential and he couldn’t be bothered about me or anyone else for the matter.
I could definitely turn on a dime myself and all the sudden, I was the rich bitch whose Grandfather had paid a mint for Scarlet Fever to perform like circus animals at my birthday party. So far, all they’d done was take advantage of the expensive food and drink and hadn’t done much more than that other than schmooze with my friends and try to nail down my best friends into fucking them before they were on their way. It was definitely a long time coming they did what they were being paid to do.
“Listen, I feel like listening to some music. Aren’t there any musicians on this fucking yacht?” I inquired loudly to no one in particular.
Will, Jaden and Grant all looked directly at Kaz as he downed his scotch and stood. “Well, you heard the lady. Let’s get ready.”
I smiled ingratiatingly toward him before I said, “Why thank you. I was wondering if perhaps what my grandfather paid you for this gig wasn’t quite enough.”
“Oh it was enough all right, plenty when we have to put up with a spoiled princess used to getting her way,” Kaz replied directly to me with cold blue-green eyes.
“And you better watch your tongue before I make sure your contract is forfeited and you leave this boat with the clothes on your back!” I exclaimed in return.
Kaz smiled but it wasn’t pleasant and lacked any mirth. “You’re some piece of work, you know that?”
I laughed out loud. “You better believe it.”
Chapter Six
The Concert
The band members warmed up their instruments as I talked to Faith and Laurel animatedly. She’d taken Kaz’s seat so we could all gossip without talking too loudly.
“Okay, what the hell was that and I thought you said you liked the guy!” Laurel exclaimed with all the melodrama she could conjure. “For God’s sake, I am trying to get close to Will and you are making my job damn near impossible.”
“Jesus H. Christ, why would you want to go there, Laurel? The guy is like twenty-five!” Faith mock-whispered before she sipped from her champagne. “Translation: he can’t fuck for shit and you’d be the one teaching him everything. Why not Grant? Now there is a man who looks like he knows what to do in the bedroom and then some.”
“Because I am officially wooing Grant and my sister wouldn’t dare shoplift cock, especially from me,” a silky voice announced.
I looked up to see Sasha and she smiled in a pretty fashion. “I suppose they got what they wanted out of you then?”
“And then some but the contract they are offering is nothing like my salary and I work for one of the best advertising firms in New York. They want me to be the exclusive publicist for Scarlet Fever and Winter’s Regret. Apparently, you gals know one of the members…Talia—does the name wring a bell?”
I smirked. “Yeah, we know her. We also know her whole crew which is led by a Ms. Jerrica Peterson. It’s a small circle and you are also familiar with her so why are you acting all coy?”
“I don’t like Seth Delvecchio. The guy gives me the creeps and although I am more than happy to represent Scarlet Fever, dealing with him cost them extra. They were willing to pay because they know Winter’s Regret will cough up the money. Anyway, we all know what guys in the band we want so why is this an issue at all?”
Before I could answer Sasha, Kaz stepped to the microphone and breathed, “Gals and guys, we are ready to perform and the first song goes out to a very special lady in the crowd. You guys know it well so don’t be shy and please join in.”
I knew the song immediately since it had enjoyed the status of being number one on the Billboard pop chart for four glorious weeks. As soon as the riff started on Jaden’s electric guitar and Grant joined in with heavy drums before Will began with his light bass play. It was an anthem and it was fittingly titled “Cock Tease”. The song was literally about a woman like me.
“She’s a pretty little thing, you know what I mean, but everybody knows that she’s a—”
“—cock tease!”
“Can’t just sweat it, try to leave it and forget it but everybody knows that she’s a—”
“—cock tease!”
“This chick drives me wild and all my boys smile cuz they know that I’m fallin’ for a—”
“—cock tease!”
“I can listen and regret it or try to just get it but fuck I’m getting hard over a—”
“—cock tease!”
“The girl is fine and I wanna make her mine! So why is she doin’ this to me? I could see us together, forever and know a woman like that would never wanna leave but I can’t believe I’m dreamin’ and lustin’ over a cock tease!”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I stood and walked out of the ballroom turned private concert and felt like Apollonia in Purple Rain when Prince sang “Darling Nikki”. There was absolutely no way I would ever feel as humiliated as I did at that moment.
The fresh air definitely helped me get a grip on the situation though none of my acquaintances or friends came out to check on me. They probably thought I was just being melodramatic and couldn’t handle all the excessive amount of attention.
Rihanna’s “Diamonds” began to play in the ballroom which signaled they’d ended their set early. This was certainly not acceptable to me because they were contracted to play for an hour and had barely lasted ten minutes.
I soon discovered why as Kaz made his way over to me. His blue-green eyes were heated and he looked thoroughly pissed off.
“Nice lead in on my birthday,” I greeted before I turned my back on him in a huff and continued to look out towards the ocean.
“I wasn’t singing it about you, Sydney. Everyone knows the song was written about my ex-wife so if you can’t take a joke then fuck it.”
“You guys have a set to finish up,” I replied with a quick change of the subject.
“Hard to play for the guest of honor when she’s outside chillin’ on the deck of the ship…will you accompany me back inside so we can finish our set?”
I knew how silly and nonsensical I was being but there was just something about Kasper Gillian I found absolutely irresistible and the problem was what happened if this went beyond the realm of lust?
I wasn’t some naïve young woman who thought after a couple of days in the company of a world-famous, international selling rock star I was in love. It didn’t happen like that and true love could form rather quickly but right now, we both knew it was our hormones talking and how we felt had little to do with even our pheromones. It was just an instant type of attraction that happened between two people who enjoyed being feisty with one another and neither wanted to particularly give in but more often than not, Kaz acquiesced.
I hardly doubted he acted this way in a real relationship. Kaz and company was being paid mega-bucks to be nice to me and not “rock the boat” so to speak. He’d managed to keep that legendary temper of his in check and all I could think about was whether or not he was worth the time and energy of giving up my virginity to especially knowing what I knew.
Finally, I grabbed his hand and walked back inside with him. My behavior was childish and uncalled for and, both of us knew it.
Syd, you think too much, an inner voice told me, and I wanted to knock that bitch out for interfering with a plan I had so carefully mastered. I knew what I wanted and ending up as another notch on Kaz’s belt wasn’t it. However, as soon as I took my seat next to my best friends who were bopping their heads to Demi Lovato’s “Heart Attack” I knew I was instantly in trouble.
“What the hell happened to you?” Faith wondered in an irritated tone. “Jeez, they were just getting warmed up with ‘Cock Tease’ and you had to ruin it because of course they had to be singing the song about you.”
“It wasn’t like that. I just needed some air…I think I had too much champagne,” I offered as an excuse although I lifted my fluted glass of Dom Perignon and sipped from the delicious bubbly.
“You are such a bullshit artist,” Laurel responded before she shook her head with a mirthless yet mock-aggravation.
“You’re one to talk,” I murmured under my breath.
“What was that?” Faith turned toward me in her seat.
“Nothing.” I looked toward the stage where the band was preparing to finish up their set.
And it was a terrific concert when I calmed down. They performed their biggest hits including “Gold diggers Unite”, “Crazy about You”, “Lying is Easy” and “Perfection”.
“Before we get off stage and enjoy the rest of the party, all of us in the band want to wish our beautiful host, Sydney, a happy birthday. We would perform the song but instead, we are going to perform a new track from our album due out in stores in less than a couple of months. It’s called ‘Falling into Lust’,” Kaz smiled at me before he looked at his other band members and Will began to strum on his bass guitar, his blond hair covering his features.
He was a sexy looking guy that reminded me vaguely of a better looking Kurt Cobain with a face that would always look young though he was the youngest in the band at the ripe age of twenty-five.
Grant started in with the drums before Jaden finally added his electric guitar and the song was slow and hauntingly beautiful.
“You and me…we seemed to start off wrong but I want to bridge the differences between us. I feel it in my bones, feel it in my head, my heart wants to deny the emptiness inside me. Can’t get away, don’t wanna touch you, please refuse to kiss me and I can let you go…but baby…you belong to me and I know I should refuse you and I will if you let me. I can’t let go because all I want is your trust…but I can’t deny…I’m falling into lust.”
There was a chord of aching guitar and bass mixed together with the sounds of drums but it blended perfectly and as Kaz swayed to the music, he stared directly at me.
“I can’t deny…all the emptiness inside me. And I can’t pretend that I am perfect for you, baby. But if you give me the chance, to show how much you could mean to me…I just might allow you a piece of my heart. Fucking is easy and words are simple but inside neither of us can deny…we’re on this rollercoaster of pleasure and pain and all I want is to see you again. Cuz baby…you belong to me and I know I should refuse you and I will if you let me. I can’t let go because all I want is your trust…but I can’t deny…I’m falling into lust.”
A long guitar solo followed and his eyes never left mine. My heart thudded in my chest so loud, I could hear it in my ears and I know everyone knew by my crimson face which was hot with desire and need, I really did feel this song was directed at me.
“To need someone…is the perfect weakness. I’ve been burned before but none of that matters to me…cuz all I want is you and I and the chance and a hope to be something to you and that would complete me more than anything else. You are my drug, you’ve stolen a piece of my soul and all I want to know is if you feel the same way because if you do then…we could be perfect.” He paused and then sang in a mock-whisper, “Baby…you belong to me and I know I should refuse you and I will if you let me. I can’t let go because all I want is your trust…but I can’t deny…I’m falling into lust.”
The song ended and the crowd jumped up and down with clapping and whistling, including Faith who seemed happy for the first time the whole night.
Meanwhile, I felt as if my soul had been stripped bare to the world and deep down, I had already begun to fall apart.
Chapter Seven
Just a Taste
After the concert ended, every guest in the room wanted a piece of Scarlet Fever but I walked to the mike and pleaded for everyone to give the band space after I thanked all my acquaintances, frenemies and best friends for showing up.
They managed to get their seats back and all the sudden, Faith had done a one eighty and sat next to Jaden. “That was such a beautiful song and it’s gonna be a huge hit.”
I listened to his answer though Kaz sat next to me and I didn’t want to seem rude.
“Address the man who helped to write it with Talia who is employed as an in-house songwriter at Introspect Records. She is extremely talented and she has a set of pipes you wouldn’t believe it but she’s not ready to launch out on her own yet,” Jaden explained as he poured himself a Macallan and downed it quickly.
“When can I get you alone?” Kaz whispered in my ear and my whole body shivered with anticipation and nervous energy.
“Right now,” I said as I looked him directly in the eyes.
Those beautiful aquamarine irises stared into mine and he smiled only slightly. “You know where we are? Come meet me in my suite in five minutes. Best not to start any rumor mills going.”
“And what if I want to start a rumor?”
“Hey, no rumors until we figure out what the hell this is between us.” Kaz glared at me. “You’re the one who told me you weren’t ready for a relationship and the last thing I want to do is push you into something you aren’t prepared to handle so let’s just take it one step at a time right now.”
What the hell was wrong with this situation? He wasn’t acting like the pompous motherfucker I had taken him for and it was really beginning to mess with my head. I needed him to be a complete and total asshole because it would make the situation so much easier to extrapolate myself from later on and here he was teasing me and leading me on.
I watched as he stood and strolled out of the ballroom before I poured myself another fluted glass full of Dom Perignon rosé.
Faith leaned over and whispered, “Aren’t you going to follow him?”
“I’m going,” I replied before I finished my champagne in several unladylike swigs for courage. “He told me to give him five minutes.”
Laurel whispered in my ear, “Someone is going to get laid tonight!”
I raised one of my perfectly shaped eyebrows. “Don’t be too sure.”
After a little teasing from both friends, I stood and walked down to the band’s quarters. They were just as luxurious as where my guests were staying but they were located in a separate area of the boat where a combination code was needed to enter. This was to prevent the band from ending up with unsuspecting females showing up at their door with nothing on their bodies but a smile.
I punched in the code and made sure the door closed behind me before I walked all the way down the hall to Kaz’s suite. The oak doors were closed and I knocked tentatively. My heart beat in my chest with fierce determination and I tried to calm myself with deep breaths.
My nervousness had nothing to do with him being Kasper Gillian, rock god. I was scared because I had no control over the situation and I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen. What if he wanted to go all the way because he assumed I was some sexy vixen who wanted this as the ultimate birthday present?
I guarded the secret of my virginity with fierce determination and sheer will. No one knew except Faith and Laurel. My mother had assumed I’d lost it to my first boyfriend at sixteen and I never corrected her. I was on birth control so that wasn’t an issue but it was a low hormone one that kept me regulated. I didn’t need anything stronger since I wasn’t sexually active.
Kaz opened the double doors and only wore pair of cargo shorts. He had changed and all his tats were on display. I only looked into those aquamarine eyes that looked pained and yet beautiful at the same time.
He slipped his arms around my waist and pulled me toward him. He smelled of his favorite cologne and had recently showered so I assumed he had an adequate supply of Love & Luck body wash. My arms slid around his neck without my control and when he pulled me in for a deep and overwhelming kiss, I surrendered in his arms.
The man was sheer, rock hard maleness as he slipped my long legs around his waist before he kicked the doors closed with his foot. The moment his tongue entered my mouth, my own tongue sought his out and a kiss that had started so passionate became all-encompassing like an inferno that had begun to consume everything around it.
Kaz’s hands cupped my ass as he walked us over to the bed and sat me down slowly as if I might break if he handled me too harshly.
Again, not average rock star behavior. This wasn’t what I was expecting and I kept finding myself amazed. The gentle way he unzipped my dress and allowed it to fall and gather at my waist. My breasts were bared to him and before I could stop him, his hands were cupping my breasts before he slipped the left nipple into his mouth. The warmth of his lips and tongue sent shivers through my body. A part of me knew I should stop him before he went too far but the other side of me didn’t want him to, fortunately.
His mouth switched breasts as he licked my right nipple before he bit it and I spasmed before a moan buried itself in my throat.
Kaz’s hands were no longer at my breasts but at my La Perla thong and he pulled it off with ease. Then he spread my legs and I was open to him. He could see every part of me and although I knew some part of me should have been embarrassed, I wasn’t. I felt comfortable enough to lay down and keep my legs spread as I watched the way his hands and fingers caressed my body.
He was so gentle as he slipped my shoes off my feet. His hands rubbed my calves before they inched higher and were at my thighs. I looked at the stark contrast of my ivory skin against his slight tan but all that was quickly forgotten as his fingers spread my sex like a delicate flower.
I pleaded he wouldn’t try to insert a finger inside me because then he would know.
As he stroked my swollen clit and I moaned out loud, he said. “You’ve never done this before, have you?”
Every bit of passion and longing I felt slowly drained from my body as I sat up. “No, I haven’t.” I swallowed hard because the taste of champagne was still in my mouth and I was still pretty drunk. “How did you know?”
Kaz’s eyes never left mine. “The way you’re acting. I have been with enough women to know when…they have never had sex and you’re a virgin. How sexually experienced are you exactly?”
I bit my lower lip before I looked at him again. “I’ve had oral sex…performed on me and I’ve done it to a man but…I just never…and it was cute for a while but now I just feel like a freak. Will you fuck me?”
He laughed before he shook his head. “Not tonight. I can’t do that to you. Not here, not on a goddamn boat. I’ll give you a little taste though but when we have sex, I want it to be in a bed on land…not on the goddamn ocean.”
“Well that is mighty gentleman of you to want to wait until we’re on dry land,” I replied ruefully.
“Baby, being a gentleman has nothing to do with it because don’t get me twisted—for the record, I ain’t no gentleman, I’m a rock star and the lead singer for one of the biggest bands in the world. Believe me, when I get ready to fuck you, I’ll decide where it happens.”
Kaz laid down on the bed beside me and slowly took my dress completely off. It didn’t seem right I was nude while he still wore his cargo shorts. He rolled toward me before he took me into his arms and before I knew it, my naked body straddled his.
“You feel how hard my cock is? I want to fuck you so bad you have no idea but I can’t do that to you. Not tonight, not on your birthday. It should be about pleasure and the pain can come later…if we last that long since you are adamant you don’t ‘do’ relationships.”
I leaned closer to him until my breasts touched his chest and our faces were only inches apart. I could see his smooth skin and gorgeous features but those blue-green eyes always drove me out of control. They were absolutely breath taking to look into and I wondered for the umpteenth time what his ex-wife had done to him to break his heart and how she could have left this beautiful man so broken?
“I may not do relationships but I do like fuck buddy situations and would be willing to indulge in one with you. We could call it a love affair if it makes the situation seem less tawdry than what it is. What I won’t ever be is a one night stand or just some side bitch you call when you’re feeling horny. If we do this, whether it’s officially a relationship or not, we stay true to one another and that means no cheating, you got that?”
“Yeah, babe, I do. Thing is, I don’t really like havin’ a lot of women in my life and prefer exclusivity. Yes, I am a rock star but that doesn’t make me a man whore who nails everything that comes in my direction. I will admit a lot of rock stars aren’t like me but I’m not them, I’m Kasper fucking Gillian and I get to make my own rules about how I conduct my life.”
“Shut up and kiss me.”
Kaz’s hand reached around and grabbed me by the neck possessively. Before I knew it, his lips were pressed against mine and his tongue sought and gained entry into my ever-ready mouth. I kissed him back just as passionately, using lots of tongue while his hands roamed my naked body before they settled on my ass and clutched tightly.
He pulled away abruptly. “Fuck, your pussy is soaking wet. You’ve drenched my shorts.”
I rolled my eyes. “I fucking hate that word. Can’t you think of another pejorative term?”
“Would you prefer snatch or cunt—both which I fucking hate by the way. I’ll call what’s between your legs what ever I like and I happen to be fond of pussy…so get used to it.”
I laughed out loud then and I leaned over until my mouth was pressed to his right ear. “Then I get to call your manhood a cock because I hate dick.”
“Jesus Christ, woman. Manhood? What is this? A fucking romance novel? Nah, call my cock what ever you like but if you mention the ‘M’ word again in my presence, I will purchase a paddle just to spank you.”
We both laughed again before he rolled us over and his beautiful body was positioned between my splayed thighs. “I’m going to have to take care of that. God, I have been dreaming about eating you out for so long, you have no idea.”
Kaz kissed his way down my body, paying special attention to my rock hard nipples as his fingers danced across my stomach. I could feel myself tremble everywhere he touched me and my legs shook involuntarily, not from nerves but from pure satisfaction. He kissed my belly button before his tongue darted inside and then his lips were at my pelvic bone.
My legs were splayed open thanks to his determined arms looped around my thighs to keep them that way but it didn’t deter him from his experimentation with parting my sex again with expert fingers. His tongue licked at the forbidden opening which had never before been pierced by a man’s cock and I shivered all over.
Immediately, my own hands went to my breasts and I caressed them as he licked up and down before his tongue flicked over my clit and I thought I might lose it and come right then and there. His mouth surrounded the hardened nub and suckled on my clit before he tongued it again with an agonizingly slow and persistent pace.
My hips began to move on their own as they fought to meet his voracious rhythm and I couldn’t help it but I wanted more than oral sex. I wanted him to fuck me in the worst way even if I knew it was never going to happen, not that night at least.
The strokes from his tongue increased and his tongue was lapping at my perineum while one finger slowly caressed the puckered hole of my anus. I suddenly wondered if he enjoyed anal sex too and whether we would explore it but now was not the time for questions.
My orgasm seemed to start at the tip of my toes and work its way upwards until I felt like my clit had taken over and it was my whole body. I shook with satisfaction and an ache that had yet to be fulfilled and wouldn’t be until I felt a man’s cock inside me, moving with me.
We rode out my orgasm together before I whispered, “Take your shorts off.”
“I told you there wouldn’t be any sex between us at this point.”
I rolled us over with all my might and straddled his hard cock my pulsating sex could feel beneath his cargo shorts. “Does a blow job count? I want to give you head.”
I didn’t wait for an answer from him and instead took the lead on my own. I unbuttoned his shorts and realized the reason why his cock felt so close. He was rocking his cargos commando and his manhood sprung out of the open zipper and was so hard, it curved flat against his toned stomach.
No wonder he didn’t want to have sex with me—his cock was huge though not freakishly so. He was also thick with a purplish mushroom head though the rest of his cock was a tanned as the rest of him with blue prominent veins lining the sides.
I slipped one delicate hand around the base and he took in a deep breath. “Fuck—that feels good, baby.”
“What about this?” I inquired as my tongue rolled over the top of his cock and lapped up the pre-cum which oozed from the tip. It was salty sweet and not unpleasant to the taste at all. My lips opened and I took the whole mushroom tip of his cock inside my mouth and suckled on it like a lollypop.
His breathing started to become erratic as I took more and more of his length into my mouth with every stroke before I would withdraw and lick my tongue from the base of his cock all the way to the top. His eyes were open yet hooded with lust and he watched me with undivided attention.
“Where the fuck did you learn to do that?” he wondered out loud.
“The Manhattan Blow Job Institute. You like? I love you long time,” I teased before I fluttered my eyelashes at him.
“If you keep that up, you’re only going to love me for a short time,” he panted.
Due to his reaction to what I was doing to him, I actually sped up the pace and began taking him deeper into my mouth until his cock was past my tonsils and I could feel his thighs clenching beneath my upper body.
“Jesus fucking Christ, I’m gonna come,” he said in a raspy voice.
That was all the incentive I needed and I milked his orgasm from him as he spurted into my mouth and the salty sweetness flowed down my throat. I continued to lick and caress his cock long after his orgasm had passed. Kaz pulled me to him suddenly by my arms and kissed me long and hard, our tongues melding into a mélange of tastes and delicious touches that made my own body spasm again. He grabbed my ass and squeezed before he let go reluctantly and I settled into his warm embrace.
“This has been the best birthday I have ever had,” I finally whispered after a long silence of nothing but deep breaths between us.
“That was the best orgasm I’ve ever had. I can’t believe a rich princess like you is adept to giving head so well. That wasn’t sloppy at all and now I really look forward to doing the deed with you.”
I stared into his beautiful face and smiled slightly. “Remember the rules…no matter what this is going to be, no lies and no cheating. I hate both and will tolerate neither so you should know that before we decide to do this for real.”
Kaz’s eyes sparkled and look more blue than green in the soft lighting of the suite. “Baby, I knew you would be mine before I left this boat if it killed me tryin’. You’re a firecracker and I love that about you but I have a feeling you can be so much more than that and it scares me to my very core.”
His speech was deep, much deeper than I expected from a mere rock star and I had nothing to say to such a message. Instead, I kept quiet and relaxed my head on his chest.
I closed my eyes and told myself I only wanted to rest my eyes for a minute but before I knew it, I had fallen asleep on the rock god known to his fans only as Kaz.
Chapter Eight
Pieces of Kaz
The real world came crashing in much sooner than I would have liked but the following day, my birthday soiree was officially over and the ship docked in Florida. My whole entourage disembarked while my mother, grandfather and their various friends stayed on. They were sailing up to New England for a much needed vacation at our estate located at Martha’s Vineyard but my friends and I were ready to go.
It was strange because what had started out as Laurel, Faith and I became a foursome when Sasha decided to join in. The band had to be back in the studio in Los Angeles the very next day so when they asked us if we wanted to join them on their private jet to the West Coast, none of us said no.
Everyone broke off into own their little cliques and soon it was Will, Grant, Laurel and Sasha while Faith and Jaden disappeared together. I sat next to Kaz in first class luxury as I sipped on Cristal champagne and cuddled with him. The whole situation felt so natural although I knew it wasn’t and I was simply on cloud nine from the night of lust we’d enjoyed the evening before.
There was so much I didn’t know about him. All I knew was his rock star persona and a few snippets about his personal life he’d decided to share with me in Nassau but other than that, he was still a puzzle to be solved and I believed in learning about anyone new I’d ever met. If I innately understood what made them tick then I also knew how to hurt them.
Most people would think this was a devious way to get to know anyone but I wasn’t just anyone and with the kind of family I had, I was naturally a suspicious person. My mother had avoided the Christina Onassis trap—other than having me illegitimately by a married man who refused to leave his wife and children—and I was determined to avoid the Athina Onassis Roussel trap. There would be no world wind affairs with questionable older men from developing countries who were only after my money and didn’t give a crap about me as a human being.
I was actually quite relieved that wouldn’t be an issue since Kaz possessed money in his own right. He wasn’t obscenely wealthy like I was due to his trust fund being cut in half after he formed Scarlet Fever. When he decided to become a rock star, he knew what to expect from his parents therefore he’d taken precautions and prepared; not only was he not hurting for money, he wasn’t cash poor either and owned a lot of stock in companies like Microsoft, Apple, Amazon and Starbucks.
I knew he did not do drugs other than alcohol and nicotine, was a great father to his son when his bitch ex-wife allowed them to spend time together and was very family oriented. However I worried about our seven year age difference and whether that would eventually become an issue.
All this left my mind as he slid his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. “Are you all right? You’ve been very quiet for a long time.”
He was right. I sat there beside him with an iPad settled on my lap but hadn’t bothered to turn the device on. I was in a fog and wrapped so deeply in my own thoughts, I couldn’t enjoy the moment.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I was just thinking…why me?”
Kaz laughed out loud. “Why not you, Sydney? And by the way, why the hell are you named after the most popular city in Australia.”
I set the iPad down and wrapped my arms around his waist. “It’s where I was conceived, according to my mother. She was having this torrid affair with a politician and he surprised her with a trip to Australia…and left a gift behind…me.”
“So the rumors are true then? I thought that was just rich people gossip. Do you have a relationship with your old man at all?” he inquired in a concerned voice.
I shook my head silently. “I’m not sure if I want one either. My grandfather was more like a father to me than he ever could be and I have had a wonderful life. I’m no poor little bitch girl and there is absolutely nothing about me that deserves pity. To be honest, I think it’s better if we don’t have a relationship because I would never be part of my half-brothers’ lives. They would both just consider me as an interloper who was the by-product of a very rough point in their parents’ marriage and to be honest, it’s not worth the hassle.”
Kaz squeezed me tighter in his arms and I reveled in all the attention he lavished upon me. Part of me still didn’t understand why he’d chosen me when the possibility to have any woman he wanted was endless. I suddenly didn’t feel like my confident self and wondered why I thought I was unworthy of his affections.
What the hell was going on with me? I knew I was worth it for any man and yet, with him, I always had my doubts and fears. It was almost like I turned into a different person in his vicinity and I didn’t like it. I hated the me I became when I was around him because I was all hormones and a ball of mush who worried if my hair and makeup was perfect, whether I’d chosen the right outfit or if he really did like me at all.
“Underneath all of this, I’m just like you.”
I looked into Kaz’s eyes and wondered where the hell that statement had come from. I tried to laugh it off as I tucked several unruly strands of hair behind my ear. “I don’t think I get what you’re trying to say. Why would you want to be like me? The second worst fate someone can be born with is a silver spoon in their mouth. It makes them have unrealistic expectations and gives them a vanity complex. They always feel like the world owes them something when the only exception between them and the college student at some school like San Jose State is that they were lucky enough to be born privileged.”
“If you feel that strongly then will you help me open up my first school for gifted children in L.A.? It’s located in West Los Angeles and I did the whole ‘Andre Agassi’ thing…the school is for underprivileged children who are native to L.A. How can they ever achieve the grades and the test scores if they are caught in a never ending cycle of poverty? It’s what attracted me to my ex-wife…her anthropology work. She is passionate about her causes and that immediately had me in the palm of her hands: hook, line and sinker.”
“Your ex sounds like quite a woman. I hope I get to meet her sometime. It looks like we would have quite a bit to talk about.”
“Damira can be difficult but her heart is in the right place. She had a rough childhood and I thought I could fix her.” Kaz ran his hands through his thick sun-kissed brown hair. “That’s always been my problem. I want to help everyone I love and care about. I said some pretty awful things about my ex-wife the other day but it wasn’t fair and I shouldn’t have thought that way. She is the mother of my son and I want him to respect women when he grows up. I hope you can forgive me.”
I looked toward him with a slight smile on my face, “For what? We all make mistakes some time.”
We laughed at the same time and that is when the first thaw in my heart broke open and allowed this rock and roller I wanted to feel nothing for inside. It was only a fracture but I knew it would prove to be my undoing and that alone frightened me more than anything in the world.
Chapter Nine
Dinner & A Proposal
Once we arrived in Los Angeles, it was a revelation. I hadn’t been to the city in two years but the more things changed, the more they also stayed the same. The smog level was tolerable but the ride from LAX, which literally sat in Escondido Beach’s ass, was slow and barely tolerable.
Laurel squealed like a little child while Faith bragged about how much she knew about the city now she’d made it her home base.
I half-listened, all the time, Kaz had grabbed my hand and held it tightly to his side.
“Something tells me tonight is the night,” I whispered to him so no one could be privy to our conversation. It was also one of the reasons why we choose a part of the Hummer limousine no one was occupying.
Kaz stared into my eyes for a long time with those gorgeous aquamarine irises. “I think we have waited long enough, don’t you think? However, if you’re still not ready then I understand—”
“No, that isn’t it at all. I am ready and I want it to be perfect for you too. I’m twenty-three years old and there is nothing virtuous about being a virgin unless my grandfather and mother wanted to sell me into white slavery,” I remarked in an offhand fashion which had him laughing out loud.
“Can I ask why you have never just slept with the first guy you thought was half-way decent just to get rid of it?”
“My mind doesn’t work that way, Kaz. You’re not perfect but you seem fucking perfect and if I had to give up my virginity—which is what I want to do tonight, with you—I couldn’t have picked a better guy.”
“I can understand that but what do you mean when you say your mind doesn’t work the way mine does?”
“I never gave up my virginity because at first I blamed the quality of men. Then, it just became a way of life to be a cock tease. Now that I am twenty-three, I am venturing into outright strange territory to be a virgin unless I was a nun.”
There was a heavy silence that formed an awkward barrier between the two of us for the rest of the ride to Kaz’s pad. He owned an opulent mansion in the Hollywood Hills with panoramic views of the city. His home was very cold with all the steel and chrome. The marble floors were covered in strategic places with Persian rugs but other than that, the place was more of a museum than a home.
“Excuse the lack of warmth in my humble abode. I am never here and it’s easier for my maid to tidy up with clean, simple surfaces. A local architect, Lex Burgenfeld, designed it and I fell in love with the home but the furniture leaves a lot to be desired.”
I walked around and explored the large clean kitchen with its industrial sized steel refrigerator built into the wall to blend with the home. Everything was steel, glass and chrome. It was obvious he and his ex-wife did not live together because there was nothing feminine about his house what so ever.
Kaz took me on a mini tour of the dining room, the two full baths on the first floor including large spaces to keep the toilet separate from the rest of the bathroom. Then he walked me to his pride and joy: the game room.
There was an X-Box hooked up to the seventy inch television screen mounted to the wall. There was also a state of the art pool table and several dart boards. It was every man’s wet dream.
“Tell me,” I began as I traced my right index finger against the pool table and lifted it up to study my finger. The place had been recently aired out and dusted. “Do you entertain very often?”
He shook his head. “Not really except with my band mates and the members of Winter’s Regret. They come around very often but that’s not really entertaining per se. It’s a bunch of men getting drunk and playing children’s games because we have seen the world, Sydney, the same as you.
“All the booze, drugs and women get old. I stopped using cocaine three years ago and I have never felt better. I don’t need to shove that shit up my nose to feel happy about my life because I have accomplished something most people never will. I’m living the dream and doing what I love. Not only that but I make a shit load of money doing what I do. What is so awful about my life I should need drugs to get through the day?”
I couldn’t help but admire his philosophy and smiled in return. We continued the tour and walked up an elaborate, spiral staircase that led to long hallway.
“Now, here comes the place I spend a lot of my time…my bedroom suite.”
He opened the double doors and I was treated to a large, open space with walls the color of maroon and a huge, comfortable California King bed with beautiful black silk sheets and a scarlet silk comforter. The furniture was classic and consisted of a few dark oak drawers and a vanity table in the corner. He led me to his bathroom which also featured another bathroom on the opposite side of the suite for me to use if I wanted to.
“You don’t have to sleep in here if you’re not ready. I can have Griselda prepare one of the guest rooms if you like.”
I stared at him and he seemed so calm and reassuring though he was covered in tats, some hidden by his black wife-beater, and a pair of comfortable indigo jeans that were neither too tight nor too loose. They fit him perfectly and all I could think about was how it would feel to finally give myself over to a man and how wonderful and what a lucky coincidence it was the man in question happened to be Kaz.
“No, I want to sleep in here with you,” I said out loud before I shyly smiled at him again.
He laughed before he walked over and kissed me. It was a gentle kiss at first that quickly turned deep and passionate. I wore a pretty yet expensive spaghetti-strapped sundress with a Picasso-painting like pattern all over and he slowly slid down the straps to reveal my breasts. He cupped them lovingly before he bent down and began to lick and suckle at the right breast while the fingers on his left hand fondled the nipple on my other breast and it grew hard beneath his touch.
I suddenly wanted him to take me at that moment. Not because I wanted it all to be over but because I didn’t know how much more my body would be able to handle. We’d played with one another yet I was ready to have his cock inside me, moving with me. Raw, unprotected sex because we both had copies of paperwork which proved we were both disease free and I was on the pill.
How would that feel? I could almost imagine as my breath caught in my throat and then he pulled away without warning and slipped the straps of my dress back onto my slender shoulders.
“Dinner is ready. I told Hector we would be dining on the terrace. I hope you’re hungry.”
“Oh I’m hungry all right but it’s not for food,” I replied in a sensual voice.
“Well, everything prepared is light so you won’t be stuffed. Cream of asparagus soup for appetizer, shrimp cocktail with a small spinach salad for the main course and Crème brûlée for dessert. There will be wine of course and you are not obligated to eat any more than you want to but what kind of gentleman would I be if I didn’t feed you before we come back here, I take your clothes off and fuck you?” he explained in a casual tone.
“Of course you’ll be gentle at first, won’t you?”
“Perhaps but we both want this and I am a rock star so not really a gentleman. I want you to enjoy yourself but unfortunately, you have no say in what our sex will be like. It is the one aspect of this arrangement I will always control…is that clear?”
“Crystal.” I smiled again as he slid an arm around my waist and we began to walk out of the master bedroom suite and down the hall which led to yet another massive set of stairs that would lead us to the first floor and the terrace.
Neither of us spoke again until we were seated. The pool lights had been lit and soft lighting courtesy of dozens of candles kept us in a warm, ambient glow. It wasn’t quite summer yet and although the sun had almost descended completely from the sky, I felt like I was in another world. Perhaps I was because whether I wanted to admit it or not, I’d gone home with a complete stranger. None of my friends were around and it was just us and Kaz’s servants.
I ate my cream of asparagus soup paired with a lovely Pinot Grigio. After I sipped from my wine, I inquired, “What did you mean our sex life is the only aspect of our relationship you’ll control? Is there something you’re not telling me? Are you heavily into sadomasochism? Should I have inquired about your tastes in the bedroom before I so readily agreed?”
Kaz sipped from his wine before he set the glass on the table. “I am not into S&M per se but there will be light play between us. I will tie you up on occasion and blindfold you. I also plan to take your virginity in both ways…vaginally and anally. I love anal sex and I will make sure you learn to enjoy it too.
“We will play with toys every once and awhile and you can do things to me the same as I can do things to you. It is a give and take but just understand your body belongs to me sexually and I am not a meat and potatoes guy. I like to experiment with all types of sex acts but no, to answer your question, I am not a Dom and never will be. I don’t require a submissive but a woman who will do as she is told, sexually speaking. And I am, however, dominant in the bedroom.”
“So in other words I get no say and I can never question you about anything we do in the bedroom?” I wondered incredulously.
“You can say no. Just understand I am not a swinger and I will not share you with anyone—I’m too selfish. But if that is a lifestyle you would later like to indulge in then I know a group here in L.A. made up of very beautiful, attractive people. I have swung before with my former wife but it isn’t something I need to do. It can be fun but it can also be dangerous and very tedious at times.”
I held the spoon midway to my mouth before I set it in the soup. “What do you mean when you say it can be dangerous?”
Kaz wiped his mouth with a linen napkin and placed it on the table. “Well, think about it…you might end up falling in love with someone else and we can’t have that.”
“No, we certainly can’t.”
The rest of dinner seemed to fly by and afterwards, we shared a bottle of Cristal. The champagne was the perfect aphrodisiac and we were both happy to share it in his plush sitting room that was much less formal than the living room downstairs. It had a comfortable wrap around sofa and I was more than happy to cuddle with Kaz as we sipped on our champagne.
“Listen, I know you are probably wondering why I am back in L.A. at all. I’m sure a society woman like yourself has much more pressing issues than to be worried about a rock star’s schedule but we have a few more tracks that we need to redo, then comes the premiere of our newest album, Love & Hate, and then comes the tour. The tour will kick off about a month after our album is released and that happens in six weeks when our album premieres in July.”
“Well, first off, I don’t consider myself a society woman because I am rather young and still like to hang out with my friends but…what happens between us when you go on tour?”
Kaz swigged from his champagne. “That is why I brought you here because it all depends what happens between us in the next six weeks. I realize a lot of stuff is still up in the air until we cement our deal by sleeping with one another but then after that, I want to see how you adjust to living here. It’s different from the East Coast but it’s hardly the same as living in another country. If you can handle the next six weeks then I will gladly invite you on tour with us. If you can’t then at least you have some great memories and you get to continue with your life and meet a man that is right for you.”
The finality of his words shook me to my very core. Could he truly let me go that easy and did I want him to? My mind was all the over the place and we had yet to have sex. What would the situation be like then? I decided to play the only card left I had in the deck, not because I was playing hard to get but because I needed some advice from someone who was much more in the know than me.
I turned toward him and kissed his lips passionately. “Please don’t take this the wrong way but is it all right if we waited until tomorrow to…fuck one another? I don’t want you to think I am running away but there is a lot I need to contemplate realistically. If I don’t think I can handle the next six weeks then I would rather just leave now. I have no interest in wasting your time.”
“Of course, you can have all the time in the world. I am not some teenage horn dog who can’t control my hormones. I want you to be relaxed and fully ready when we do fuck for the first time.”
My face lit up as he smoothly switched to another topic and soon it was time for bed. We walked to his bedroom and his maid had set out a simple white cotton nightgown for me. It hit mid-thigh and was expensive but understated. I took a shower because I desperately needed one in the women’s bathroom suite he had while he took a shower in his own master bathroom suite.
I could do this but I needed encouragement and there was only one person who could give it to me: Faith.
Chapter Ten
Good Advice
Faith and I met at the Beverly Center where she browsed clothing shops while sipping on a tall, mocha Frappuccino light. I explained my dilemma to her and she listened patiently without interrupting me once. When I could finally come up for air, she glanced my way and smiled.
“Listen, Cocky and I have a very strange relationship few people can understand. I am in love with him and he is love with me but so much of their life revolves around living up to a certain image and Cocky—sorry, Jaden—enjoys looking like the man-whore with plenty of women hanging off of him, the drugs, the booze…it’s the reason why he became a rock star in the first place,” Faith explained in an acerbic tone.
“What broke you two up to begin with if you don’t mind me asking? He is obviously in love with you.”
We entered a small boutique store and Faith began to look at the dresses. “He may have loved me but he loved the drugs more, specifically cocaine and snortable heroin. It was a nightmare to be around him because it was like dealing with Jekyl and Hyde. I got scared and decided I didn’t need that kind of aggravation in my life. ”
“Okay, so now that he is off the drugs, are you getting back together with him?”
Faith held up a lilac dress and studied the stitching carefully. “That’s still up in the air. We did more fucking than talking last night so I will have to broach the subject gently. I desperately want to avoid a huge blow up between us two of us yet again.”
I took the dress from her hands and placed it back on the clothes rack. “You have great style, babe, but has anyone ever told you there is just way too much black and purple in your wardrobe?”
My best friend pouted before she glared at me with those dangerous gray-green eyes. “Hey, I happen to love black and purple—shoot me already. Cocky doesn’t mind so it’s good enough for me.”
I rolled my eyes as we walked out of the boutique. “Jaden doesn’t mind because as long as you’re wearing something sexy which shows off your assets in the best light then it’s all good. Besides, we all know that as women, we don’t dress for men but other women.”
Faith playfully hit my arm. “I’m tired of window shopping, how about we go get something to eat?”
“Definitely!” I exclaimed.
Since we had use of a limousine, my best friend took me to one of her favorite hangouts in the city, Calienté, in Century City. It was the type of see-and-be-seen place which was frequented by industry insiders, celebrities and the mega-rich in general, including the “stupid girls” crowd, as they were called. They were basically the young adult children of the rich and famous who had nothing better to do with their time but shop and pose for shitty photos in magazines like US Magazine, Okay!, and Society Magazine. They were a waste of space and simply vapid, usually bleached blonde and perma-tanned with clothes that left little to the imagination not to mention melodramatic and attention-seeking loud.
We were seated by a group of four and were only too glad they couldn’t bring their little rat dogs in the restaurant. A waiter soon came by and both Faith and I ordered the Caribbean salad with all sorts of exotic dried fruits and tilapia fish over a bed of raw spinach and a pineapple vinaigrette dressing. A chilled bottle of Chardonnay went perfect with the selection we’d made.
Although Faith and I had been hanging out all late morning together, the only breakfast we’d consumed had consisted of coffee. I was starving and couldn’t wait to dig in to the delicious food she raved about non-stop.
We waited until the waiter was out of ear shot before Faith finally said, “I can’t tell you a lot about Kaz because he’s so different from all the members in the group. Don’t get me wrong, I mean, he makes Scarlet Fever what it is but he is very much into self-control. He never really got tied up heavily in the drug scene and although he drinks, he doesn’t do it to get drunk. No one but him could have held this group together as long as they have been and there is absolutely not a soul who could be lead singer other than him. Not only is he cunning but he’s incredibly business savvy.”
I sighed quietly. “I pretty much thought that is what you would say. I really like him…a lot. More than any other man I have ever known and it scares me because I don’t feel like I have that control I have always possessed. Don’t get me wrong, I like a strong alpha male as much as the next woman but he is still such an enigma to me and if I could understand why he makes me feel the way I do, perhaps it wouldn’t bother me so much.”
The waiter interrupted us as he brought out a bottle of vintage Chardonnay and turned our wine glasses over before he poured us each a half a glass and left.
Faith sipped from her wine and relished the taste with her eyes closed before she opened them and stared at me with a serious look on her face. “All I know is his ex-wife messed him up in a major way and he’s never been the same. He has never really been the type to go for groupies very often so they always kind of head off with the other members but…I have a feeling this upcoming tour is going to be completely different.”
“That’s the whole point. There is absolutely no guarantee I am even going on this tour.” I picked up my wine and downed it without tasting and for liquid courage alone. “Listen, he wants us to agree to a…contract—nothing in writing mind you—that if I can get through the next six weeks with him then he will take me on tour. Otherwise, it’s a no-go type of situation.”
Faith refilled my wine glass before she set the bottle of Chardonnay down between us. “So, what is exactly the problem? He wants to make sure you can handle the late nights when they are re-cutting tracks at the studio and you’re not gonna freak out because you’ll think he was with some chick. They need to finish this album so they can get it on the shelves and a couple weeks later, they are heading out on tour. No one said being the girlfriend of a rock star was easy but seriously, if you can’t handle the next six weeks then the two of you shouldn’t be together.”
The wine had begun to have its desired effect as I replied, “I’ve already agreed but I’m still frightened—”
“You know why you’re still a virgin?” Faith questioned in an aggravated tone. “It’s because you don’t know how to relax and go with the flow. Enjoy the moment and stop psychoanalyzing this situation so much. Either you’re gonna be with Kaz or you won’t, end of story. This isn’t rocket science.”
I thought about her words and how much they stung but she was right. I did overanalyze everything and for the first time in my life, I wanted to let go of the power to control and witness what happened. What kind of transformation would take place inside of me if I allowed someone else to be in charge for once?
Lunch was a long, drawn out affair with a lot more conversation but I allowed the focus to be on Faith since she actually was in a relationship and incredibly torn about what she should do in terms of Jaden.
Two bottles of wine later, she stated carefully to prevent her voice from slurring, “I really do love him, Sydney. He is the only man I have ever been head over heels for and I am just so scared he will break my heart yet again. To be honest, I don’t know what I am going to do.”
I smiled as I slipped my platinum American Express card in the discreet leather-bound folder the bill came in and handed it to the waiter as soon as he appeared.
“You’re going to go home and sleep off this feeling of being extremely drunk at the moment and then you are going to sit Jaden down and let him know what the ground rules are, Faith. You have been here before with him so you know what to do and what not to do. This isn’t something I should have to explain to you when you’re already aware of what the issues are and have been in the past.”
“I got it but you should be happy because you’ll never have this as an issue with Kaz and don’t you realize how jealous I am? I wish Cocky didn’t need to be high to have a good time and I know he isn’t using right now but I also know what a tour is like and how the guys get out of control with the groupies, the drugs, the alcohol…I can’t do it again.”
It was my turn to dispense the wise advice. “Then promise yourself you won’t. Tell him he has one more shot to prove he can be the man you want and if he messes up then you’re gone. Simple, right?” I grabbed her hands and held them in my own. “Besides, you have no reason to be jealous of Kaz and I…every couple has their issues and we’ll have our fair share too.”
Faith pursed her lips. “I suppose you’re right. I just need to sort this shit with Jaden and I’ll feel a lot better.”
The waiter came back with my card and I made sure I gave him a twenty percent tip before I tucked my card back into my wallet and stuck it back into my royal blue Hermès Birkin before we both stood and walked out of the restaurant to the limo that awaited us.
It had been a great day but I couldn’t wait to get home to Kaz and finally seal the deal. I’d waited too long. That night, I would definitely allow him to fuck me.
Chapter Eleven
Sealing the Deal
I arrived back to Kasper’s house shortly after four in the afternoon and I couldn’t believe how happy I felt. I knew I was making the right decision and he didn’t have to bother with any of the pre-requisites. I didn’t want dinner and intelligent conversation, I just wanted him to take me into his arms and devour me.
Kaz turned out to be in his bedroom after I had searched the sitting room, living room, outside terrace and the game room. He had recently showered and was drying his hair with a hand towel. The luxurious black towel he had tied around his waist showed off all of his tattoos and my heart began to race. I didn’t know what to do—should I allow him to make the first move or should I just be bold and go for it?
I never wanted him to think I thought of him as my personal fuck doll and nothing else. I loved his brilliant mind and the great conversations we’d enjoyed in the past. I liked hearing about past tours and his musical experiences and influences. I suppose lust was still what I was feeling but it was slowly turning into so much more.
It was hard to admit but when I met him for the first time on the yacht, I knew nothing about him except the public Kaz. I had no idea what kind of person he was, only that he was hot and the mere sight of him was enough to give women fainting spells.
However, now that I knew more about him, he was no longer merely just a rock star. He’d become a fully fleshed out human being who was amazing and a genius when it came to what he did professionally. I still found his body hot but what was between his ears also lit my flesh on fire as well and that was a very nice change for once.
Kaz finished drying his hair before he set the towel on the vanity table and began to comb it back away from his face.
“Hey, babe—how was your day?” he greeted in a sexy voice that came natural. There was nothing fake or pretend about Kasper Gillian.
“It was nice but I have to admit I have been looking forward to coming back to your place.” I allowed my feet to carry me until I was in his space and he smelled delicious. Love & Luck along with a citrus vanilla scent. My arms wrapped around his neck and I stared at his reflection in the mirror, into those intoxicating pools of blue-green that held my attention and expressed every emotion he felt.
He turned around to face me. “What are you trying to say, Syd?”
I sat on his lap and kissed his lips gently. “I want you to take me…tonight…right now and yes, I want to stay with you and be with you for the next six weeks. I have made commitments that meant less but I need to be with you. Don’t ask me to stop how I am feeling for you because I don’t think I can.”
Kaz pulled away only slightly before his lips set in a firm line. “I appreciate your honesty and believe me, I will happily do what ever you want me to do to you but don’t mistaken lust for love. The two are quite different.”
I sighed in an exasperated manner. “Fine, I am falling into lust with you, Kaz—hell, I am already there but that doesn’t mean I don’t respect any other part of you. I want you to be able to trust me and show me every side of you, even the parts that aren’t pretty or likeable. Understand you’re no longer Kaz, rock star…you’re Kasper Gillian, the man with the huge heart who loves his son and has an ex-wife I have yet to meet. I can and do accept all of this without complaint.”
We both stood up; he buried his face in my hair and took a deep breath. “You smell so good and I am so afraid of getting this wrong. Please understand I haven’t broken a woman’s virginity since my first and only high school girlfriend. I don’t want this to be an awful experience for you.”
I looked into his eyes and through the fog of too many glasses of Chardonnay and a wicked smile, I replied, “It won’t be so make love to me already.”
Kaz kissed me passionately on the lips and I melted into his embrace. His tongue caressed mine and felt like smooth velvet as I responded to his ministrations and before I knew it, he slipped down the straps of my floral, pale green lace dress courtesy of Valentino. They fell and landed on the side of my upper arms; my breasts had yet to be exposed but he caressed them through the material and I sighed out loud through our kiss.
He began to kiss my neck and collar bone before he bared my breasts and stared at them as if they were the most erotic part of my body before he leaned down kissed my breasts. The closer his lips got to my nipples, the deeper my breath came and I could hardly wait as his gentle hands caressed them softly.
The moment his lips circled around my right areola and suckled on the nipple, I grabbed him by his damp hair and held it in place. The feeling was so incredibly thrilling, I could feel every erogenous zone of my body respond. By the time he reached my left nipple, I was gasping out loud and eagerly pushed the dress down until it slid past my hips, the soft fabric teased my thighs before it settled around my feet. I stood in front of him in a pale green lace thong and nothing else.
I was unprepared as he lifted me up like I weighed nothing and laid me down on the bed. I couldn’t believe this was finally happening but as he pulled my thong from my body and spread my legs, I knew this time there would be no hallway measures. We were going to finally consummate our relationship and he was going to take my virginity.
Kaz kissed his way down my body before he explored the folds of my vagina and opened me up to him. His tongue insistently swirled around my clit before he suckled on the hard nub and I arched my back in a delicious insistence. I wanted him to do what ever he desired to my body as long as he promised me his cock would end up buried inside me before the end of the night.
I opened my eyes and glanced down to see him as he milked an orgasm from me like it was nothing. My heart thudded in my chest and as he shifted his weight on the bed, he reached over and opened up a drawer where he pulled out a spermicidal lubricant and applied it all over his cock before he pressed some on his forefinger and middle finger.
“I need you to completely relax. Spread your legs and take deep breaths, all right?”
“All right,” I whispered in a hoarse voice as he teased my clit again and that sent a shudder through my whole body.
His fingers worked their way lower until he was at the opening of my not-yet-pierced hymen and he slid his fingers in at a snail’s pace. The pain was magnificent and I continued to breathe deeply as he massaged his fingers in and out of me.
“Fuck, you’re so tight. Perhaps I should slip on a condom so this won’t last only two seconds for you.”
My right arm grabbed the hand with his two fingers buried inside me and I pleaded, “Don’t. Just go slow…all right? I don’t want any kind of barrier between us. I want to feel all of you. We’ve done all the tests and we both know we’re clean and in good shape. I want to be with you and don’t cheapen this moment with a latex barrier as if I’m some casual lay. I want you to make me feel…special.”
Kaz looked into my eyes and those aquamarine irises lit every part of me on fire. I wanted to see them as he hovered above me and was buried deep inside my depths but he knew better than me when it was the right time.
He withdrew his fingers and they were covered with a milky red substance. “Well, I officially broke your hymen. Are you sure this is what you want? It’s not too late to back out now.”
“Yes, I want this and I desperately want you.”
Kaz lifted my knees gently and fit himself between my thighs. He slipped his towel off and his cock, huge and scarlet with a purple tip was so hard, it had curved against his stomach. He grasped it in his right hand and slowly worked the tip into my opening.
My eyesight had become starry and blurred as tears leaked from my eyes due to the pain. He suddenly thrust himself inside my depths and I realized only too late he was buried to the hilt inside me because our pelvic bones touched. I wrapped my legs around his waist as his strong arms kept most his weight off my body. It was an invasion that felt so exquisite and excruciating at the same time, I continued to breathe in through my mouth and out of my nose.
Kaz began to move inside me and I kept waiting for the pain to turn into pleasure but for now, there was just a burning sensation between us and although I knew it was deliciously tantalizing for him, I wondered to myself if this is what I had waited twenty-three years for? Why would any woman want a man to make love to her if this is all we were going to get out of it?
His thrusts were slow and steady and the pain began to dissipate and something magical happened. My hips were meeting his thrusts and although I must have still been bleeding from my hymen, the sensation was one of pleasure and of me wanting him to know every part of my body.
I slid my arms around his neck and pulled him to me. We were so close I could observe the different color striations in his irises and I tickled his nose with my tongue before he jerked my head back and kissed my neck with such passion, I moaned out loud.
The room soon smelled of our sex and our mutual desire to satisfy one another. There was a feeling growing inside my body that felt very familiar and close to an orgasm when he withdrew and flipped me onto my stomach.
He kissed my shoulder blades and his fingers explored the cleft of my buttocks. “Get on your knees, baby.”
“What are you doing?” I wondered out loud before I laughed.
“You’ll see. All this…beautiful and untouched flesh…you need some tats and that is when I will have truly marked you.”
“No, that’s just ink…you’re marking me now, Kaz. You’re the first person to have all of my body in a sexual manner and whether I am inked or not, I will always be yours now and forever.”
Kaz kissed my neck as I got on all fours and he plunged his cock inside of me again and instead of pain, it was a beautiful feeling of being full again with him and his manhood that was giving me so much pleasure.
He had more control over our sex this way and his thrusts were sometimes gentle and slow while other times quicker and harsher. The fingers of his right hand began to caress my clit and the nub swelled under his precision yet again. The pleasure began again and this time it was even more overwhelming than before.
He was claiming me in every way and somehow I was losing myself inside his lovemaking. Why did I get the feeling he was actually carving me into his own creation and I allowed him to with relish? The only thought in my empty mind was he had to make me orgasm and I would do anything he wanted me to do for him when ever he demanded it of me.
Kaz continued to thrust inside me, quicker, longer strokes and between his cock and his fingers, my hips bucked to meet his rhythm like a bitch in heat. Then it began, an orgasm so intense, it began at my toes and crawled its way through the muscles in my calves and thighs before it hit the epicenter and I moaned out loud and felt my kegel muscles clench around his thick cock.
He murmured, “Fuck, Sydney.”
Kaz began to come as he pounded against me harshly and the pain was exquisite because it was matched by the absolute ecstatic feeling of coming together. He continued to fuck me until there was nothing left and withdrew from my aching sex before he finally collapsed on the bed on his back.
I allowed my wobbly knees to collapse from underneath me and lay down on my stomach, my heart thudded with intensity in my chest as I tried to steady my breathing.
Several moments later, he rolled toward me and pulled me into his arms. I turned toward him and buried my head on his chest as I began to sob out loud. I had no idea why I was crying but it just felt like something I had to get out. He was my first and I could never go back to the woman I’d been before I entered his bedroom suite.
The young woman who’d worn that pale green dress was gone forever and she would never return. I had been transformed into someone I didn’t recognize because I truly needed him to care about me. I wasn’t simply satisfied with being a fuck buddy or just some groupie. I had to know he felt something for me.
“What’s with the tears, huh? We just had sex…I didn’t take something from you, did I?” Kaz wondered as he tilted my head up to his.
“No, you didn’t. I wanted you to do it but I need to know you weren’t just using me this whole time. You do…feel some emotions for me, don’t you? I mean other than disgust and apathy?”
“Of course I care about you. I told you what I wanted when we were in Nassau and you were the one who said you weren’t ready. I didn’t want to force the issue so I left it alone.” He lay on his back and pulled me top of him. “You should know that you could be someone very special to me but first you have to prove to me you’re worth it and that is what this six week experiment is all about.
“I’ve had my heart stepped on and it hurt like hell. I know it wasn’t you who did it but my ex-wife’s imprint is still there. I was in love with her…I suppose I still am because she is the only person I would drop everything for and take her back in a heartbeat if she wanted me. Unfortunately, she doesn’t feel the same so it’s a moot point.”
I looked into his eyes and shook my head sadly. “You’re expecting me to fight for you with a woman who has a home team advantage? How can I possibly win this battle? You tell me, Kasper.”
“Promise you’ll just be here for me and you’ve won half the battle. I am under a lot of pressure from my management company and the record company to finish this album on time. The last thing I need is to come home to you bitchin’ and moanin’ about how we don’t spend enough time together.”
I laughed out loud. “That’s not the kind of person I am because I don’t wrap myself around anyone that closely. I have friends and a life. I can’t be at your beck and call.”
He folded his arms behind his head. “Good….also, if everything works out after the six weeks then I need you to get inked. It’s as close as I am ever gonna get to marriage because I won’t marry anyone ever again. You’ll have the Scarlet Fever symbol on your lower back and my name underneath. That way, everyone will know you belong to me, is that clear?”
I knew what the mark looked like. It was an old school, Victorian-style “S” and “F” with his name in cursive. I wasn’t the only one who would have the tattoo. His ex-wife had the same tramp stamp except she had his name inked over and turned into a rose.
My lips pursed before I kissed him fully mouth. “Done.”
I began to get up but he moved faster than I thought possible and he grabbed me. “Hey, where do you think you’re going?”
“To take a shower,” I replied in a calm voice.
“I don’t think so. I am not done with you yet by any stretch of the imagination. I suppose I forgot to tell you it’s been a while and that was just a quickie. The next time, I really want to make love to you.”
My instinct was to fight him and demand I be allowed to take a shower but for the first time in ages, I relaxed in his comforting embrace. “Just be careful with me because I’m pretty sore, babe.”
Kaz smiled before his lips met mine and his tongue met mine in a gorgeous symphony of intimacy and synchronism. “I promise to treat you like fine china.”
I laughed out loud as he laid me down on the bed and knew instinctively it would be a very long evening and night. For once, I didn’t give a damn and wanted him to do what ever he wanted to do to me; he’d branded me and I now belonged to him whether he wanted to admit it yet or not.
I didn’t mind because I was very good at waiting out any situation…I always got what I wanted and now what I wanted was to take our relationship to the next level and well past the one night.
Chapter Twelve
Change
The next few weeks flew by and it was pure bliss. My mother and grandfather called me to make sure I was okay and wondered when I would be back home but I was honest with them and explained my new lifestyle. I was safe and well taken care.
My grandfather was slightly worried because he knew Kasper’s family and didn’t know how well they would take their estranged son dating me while my mother’s only desire was for me to demand to see the divorce paperwork. She feared me making the same mistakes she did and in hindsight, I could understand why she would feel that way.
Kasper had no problem showing me his divorce decree and I was able to call up my mother that very same night and tell her he was divorced from his wife.
If there was one aspect about his personality I loved other than our sex life then it was his brutal honesty. He’d told me he would be working long hours and he’d meant it. There were many nights we didn’t see one another and some days passed where we only slept in the same bed but I was asleep when he came home and when he left the following morning.
I only knew he’d been home because the suite would smell heavily of Love & Luck and the hairs he shed on his pale linen that was changed three times each week since we were sexually active.
During the fourth week of our arrangement, he knew I could handle the lifestyle and insisted I get my ink in preparation for the tour. Faith accompanied me to the tattoo parlor, The Black Rose, where all the band members had gotten their tats from and since I had an appointment, I wasn’t the least bit nervous.
We walked in and where I was expecting a hole in the wall, the place was set up like a spa clinic, except one with blacked out windows from the outside and inside, everything was black and chrome. The place had comfortable leather chairs, an assortment of both alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages and a friendly receptionist staff.
I ordered a glass of wine before Faith interrupted the receptionist. “Two shots of JD.”
I looked at her with a bit of annoyance. “What’s wrong with a glass of Pinot Grigio?”
“That isn’t going to get you through this tattoo,” she responded as she flipped through the latest issue of Society Magazine.
“Don’t you think what I decide to drink should be my choice?” I wondered out loud as the receptionist brought us two frosted shot glasses full of Jack Daniels.
Faith turned toward me but only after I grabbed my shot glass and downed the awful whiskey before I set the shot glass back on the tray. She dumped hers down her throat without even wincing and returned the shot glass.
“Listen, I know what I am talking about, babe. I have had the tat done. Why do you think I am always in dresses or my back is always covered if I decide to wear jeans and a tank top? I have the same ‘tramp stamp’ you’re about to get and it hurts like hell.”
I glared at her with cold eyes. “Fine, show me.”
She stood, undid her designer white jeans and pulled them down to her hips before she lifted her violet, short-sleeved peasant blouse. There it was and it wasn’t the tiny little tattoo I was expecting. The “S” and “F” covered her whole mid-lower back and underneath right above the cleft of her buttocks was the name “Jaden” in Gothic-style letters.
Faith turned around as she pulled up her jeans and buttoned them back up. “I refused to have ‘Cocky’ written on my back. Sorry but I don’t roll that way and I may have a tattoo but I am not white trash and I refuse to be mistaken as that type of person.”
One aspect of my best friend’s personality was her abrasiveness and her absolute abhorrence for anyone who wasn’t fortunate enough to be born with money. It didn’t bother me as much as it did Laurel but I understood where her attitude came from because her birth father was the epitome of poor white trash and he’d abandoned her mother and her. As far as she was concerned, all poor white trash was the same.
My name was called and I stood on slightly wobbly legs. The shot of Jack Daniels was starting to do its damage. I probably should have told Faith I’d already popped a two milligram tablet of Xanax before the appointment and the alcohol mixed with the drug to calm me completely though it left me a little sleepy.
“I’m Loire…like the Valley in France,” the young dark-haired woman said when she introduced herself. “I’ll be doing your tattoo. I did Faith here and she will attest my work is flawless.”
My best friend looked at me and nodded her head. “Yes, it is.”
Loire had gorgeous olive skin which was smooth and silky. Her arms were bare but as she turned away from us, her backless top revealed a detailed rose vine with roses and stems with sharp barbed-wire thorns. It was beautiful because this was the only tattoo she seemed to have though I didn’t know what her legs or torso below her stomach looked like.
We both followed her into a clinical room where she told me to take off all my clothes except for my panties. I’d purposely worn hipsters so they wouldn’t get in the way of her work.
I stripped and looked at Faith as I got on the bed-like table. It was soft and warmed so I wouldn’t freeze due to the air conditioner which was turned up quite high.
“Let me just get my equipment ready and then we can start. Kaz was nice enough to drop off the specs this morning so I know exactly what the tattoo is supposed to look like. Do you want some color in the ink or would you prefer just black ink?”
“Get black ink only. Color ink can be tricky and do you really want to come back in for touch ups?” Faith cut in as she studied herself in the vanity mirror.
I agreed with her and it was my first thought because I wanted my tat to match Kaz’s and he didn’t have any color tats. All his had been done with black ink. Plus if a tattoo was able to look classy, it looked better in black ink as opposed to color.
Loire turned to consult me. “Black ink only.”
She smiled before she continued to prepare herself.
“I can see why Kaz likes you so much and is in such a rush to ink you up. A young woman reared in high society with impeccable manners who seems to understand him and doesn’t judge him. There is a certain symbiosis that exists between you two and I have yet to see you two interact with one another. Not like this one and Cocky. He is extremely possessive but he doesn’t understand she needs her freedom and can’t be tied down.”
I could feel Faith roll her eyes though I couldn’t see her. “Will you stop it all ready, Loire? Jeez. Why haven’t you and Nil got together yet? What are you two waiting for?”
“Nil and I are colleagues only. He’s Seth’s brother for God’s sake and although he, technically, isn’t a rock star, it’s not the kind of life I want. Too close to my previous life that I led and I never want to go back there.”
I hated to admit it but being with Kaz had taught me a deep sense of empathy for other people I didn’t have before we’d met. I could actually feel the hurt and tremble in her voice. What ever had happened to her wasn’t pretty and I could understand why she wouldn’t be so gung ho to risk her heart again.
I opened myself up to Kaz completely and it scared the shit out of me. Any day now, he could just ask me to leave and I would be all alone and left broken beyond repair. I would be a carbon copy of my mother because she never managed to get over my father’s betrayal. Sure, she had lovers but I knew she never loved a man as deeply or as passionately as she loved my father and this nightmare scenario scared the crap out of me.
There were no half measures with me and it was the reason why I’d held on to my virginity for so long, not because I considered myself a lady of virtue. I knew who ever took it would claim a part of me and just as I was about to be tattooed, Kaz’s imprint was already tattooed on my mind, heart and soul. There was no going back and I had to continue to move forward because something inside of me would never let this go. He was the one for me and I was determined for him to see that whether he was ready to go there or not.
Loire finally began to work on my tattoo after ten more minutes of intense anticipation. It hurt like a son of a bitch and mid-way through, I had to take a break and down another shot of Jack Daniels so she could finish up her work.
By the time Loire was finished, she rubbed down the tattoo, she made sure it was bandaged thoroughly and cautioned me about not getting it wet until the skin was perfectly healed. Then she gave me a booklet and specific instructions on the caring of my tattoo until it would be ready to be exposed.
Faith and I left The Black Rose about an hour and a half after we arrived and decided to get something to eat at Xandros Greek Restaurant on North La Cienega Boulevard in Beverly Hills, roughly five miles from the tattoo parlor.
We were seated and immediately ordered a carafe of the house white wine.
My best friend smiled at me before she breathed deeply. “I do believe you should spend some time with Laurel. She’s missed you like mad and has accused me of monopolizing your time.”
“Well, you have,” I replied as the waiter set down the wine and poured us each a glassful before he walked away.
“I have not. I’ve just been trying to show you the ropes is all. Laurel’s relationship with Will is just as new as yours is with Kasper except she’s playing hard to get. The man is a complete and utter bastard because all she will tease him with is blow jobs. She told him she wanted their first time to be meaningful.”
I laughed out loud at this. “Well, she’s been around the block and then some, Faith. I think every woman comes to a point where she wants to know that a relationship is going to progress in a way where both parties get something out of it and I admire her tenacity. I could never do that with Kaz but what ever floats her boat.”
My best friend smiled before her teeth glided against her bottom lip. “So, are you going to spill the goods or what? How is Kaz in bed?”
I smiled and I knew my eyes had taken on a far-away look because what that man could do with his hands was without compare to anything I’d experienced in my life. He was so fucking talented at everything he did and that included sex.
“He’s amazing. That is all you’re going to get out of me because I don’t kiss and tell.”
We both laughed again as I looked to my left and my heart almost came to a full stop. In the far corner, Kaz and a dark haired, olive skinned woman were talking quietly. They looked friendly enough but something about their conversation seemed strained and unnaturally cool.
Faith’s eyes followed my direction and she turned toward me again. “You do know that’s his ex-wife, right? They are probably just discussing their son or something. It’s not like he’s cheating on you, Syd. Their conversation barely looks cordial let alone anything approaching the realm of intimacy.”
I swigged from my wine. “I know…I just didn’t expect to have that kind of reaction seeing her and…of all the goddamn restaurants in L.A., why did they have to choose this place?” I whined out loud.
“She loves Greek food and probably chose the restaurant.” My best friend grabbed my wrists and held them in her hands. “Calm down, Syd, or this is how you will lose him. He doesn’t like overly jealous women and when we go on tour, you will see some shit you’ll wish you could unsee. Women pulling up their shirts like they’re in a fuckin’ Girls Gone Wild blu-ray, women throwing themselves at them, and doing just about anything they think will get them one step closer to the band.
“You have to ignore all that shit and keep your dignity otherwise you should stay here in L.A. and just tell him you won’t be able to handle the tour. Their first stop is the San Bernardino Music Festival—and girl, that gig is insane. I went to a couple and you have regular people and celebrities mingling about. It can be a lot of fun but I am telling you now it is no place for an insecure girlfriend who can’t control her temper.”
I took some deep breaths before I smiled at Faith. “Thanks and you’re absolutely right…what would I do without you?”
My best friend smiled and rolled her eyes. “Gee, I don’t know.”
The black mood lifted and I found myself in good spirits again. “Then where’s the waiter? I want to order so I can eat. I’m starving…what about you?”
Faith glanced at me wickedly. “Ravenous…but not for lunch.”
It took me a few seconds before I got the joke and we both burst into girlish laughter.
Chapter Thirteen
With You
I managed to get home at a decent time and was surprised to find Kaz on the sofa in the game room. He watched television while drinking a Beck’s. On the art deco black magazine table was a bottle of Jack Daniels and a shot glass.
“Hey, babe, how are you doing?” I greeted as I strolled over to him and sat beside him on the sofa.
“I’m good.” He finally met my eyes and his were red-rimmed as if he had been crying. His pupils were dilated and he didn’t look “good” at all.
My hand settled on his left thigh though there was nothing sexual in my suggestion. “What happened? I saw you in Xandros with your ex. I thought it would be tacky to come over and say ‘hello’…I was with Faith.”
“How was your tattoo appointment? Did Loire take good care of you?”
Now I knew something was definitely going on because he didn’t usually change the subject unless he really didn’t feel like talking about something.
“My appointment was fine.” I removed my hand from his thigh and reached to touch his gorgeous, chiseled face. His jaw and cheeks were rough with a five o’clock shadow. “Baby, what’s going on?”
Kaz remained tight lipped until he reached over, poured another shot of JD and swallowed the contents in one go. “Listen, my wife is trying to get full custody of our son and today, she filed the paperwork in Los Angeles County Federal Court. I know why she’s doing it but it isn’t fair. I barely see him as it is and now she wants to take him away from me? I could kill that bitch sometimes.”
I sat up, poured myself a shot of Jack in the same glass he used and tossed it back. The liquid burned my throat but it was a pleasant burn. I then proceeded to get comfortable on the sofa as I lay my head in Kaz’s lap.
“What right does she have to take away your son?”
“His name is Xander and I love that kid to death. Before you, I dated another woman and she seemed normal enough. She was a receptionist at The Black Rose and she was really cool and great to be around. Knowing my ex, she did some digging into the young woman’s background and then asked me out to lunch.
“Damira—that’s my ex-wife’s name—is like that. She is very vindictive and she just needed to bring me down to size. It makes no difference she is dating yet another rock star and supposedly, they are very happy together…it gives her great pleasure to cause misery to me.”
I locked my right hand with his and together, we squeezed our fingers together. “What did she discover that was so earth shatteringly bad?”
“The young woman had a rough past. She was a former coke head and porn star. She did about one hundred films while she continuously fed her drug habit and her stuff is readily available to buy. All she did was dye her hair and get a nose job to cover up her former life…and use her real name but…Damira knows everyone and that meant nothing.
“When she approached me with this information, I was crushed because it meant I had to leave this woman. I couldn’t have Xander around an ex-drug addict and ex-porn star. That alone would give her enough in her arsenal to gain full custody and I always thought we should share our son. He belongs to both of us and I don’t want him growing up calling some other son of a bitch ‘Daddy’.”
I sat up and our hands slipped from each other’s grasp but I positioned myself in his lap and placed my arms around his neck. “Here’s what you are going to do…you’re going to fight her with everything inside you. If you have a past then she has one too. I know you don’t want to play dirty because she is the mother of your child but I don’t see any other way. You are going to have to dig up some dirt about her.”
I paused and sighed out loud. “I don’t want to see you like this and I know how much your son means to you. I can assure you now I don’t have anything unsavory in my past and even if I did, our family attorneys’ would shut her down so fast, it would make the Airbus seem slow. I know you love your son and when you love someone, you do everything in your power to protect them and keep them safe.”
“What did I do in my former life to end up with a gem like you?” Kasper moved my hair out of my face and gripped my ass between his hands because he didn’t want to touch the bandage that covered my freshly inked tattoo. “Never in a million years did I ever think you would advise me to fight for my son. I expected some kind of snarky answer about how eventually we might have kids and that should satisfy me.”
I shook my head. “That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard, Kaz. No other child can replace Xander and if we got to that stage in our relationship, I wouldn’t want them to either. He is your son you had by a woman at one time you were deeply and helplessly in love with yet I am going to pretend because you’re divorced, all that time you two spent together meant nothing? That your son means nothing?
“I look forward to meeting the little hellraiser and I know we probably won’t hit it off right away, I want you to know I am willing to make the effort. I am the adult here and I am the one who should show myself to be proper and mature. No, separating you from your child so that bitch can get fatter child support checks is a philosophy I just don’t buy into. Sorry to disappoint.”
Kaz stared deep into my eyes and I could practically feel his eyes like a tattoo needle, inking the very essence of my soul. “Is it because of what you went through with your own father?”
I tried to look away but something inside those blue-green eyes had me frozen in place. “You could say that. Perhaps it’s my mother’s fault for being in love with a married man…maybe it was my dad’s fault for being so careless and not giving a shit whether I am in this world at all. It isn’t so much about my dad anymore. I would really like to know my half-siblings and I will probably never meet them. I don’t even know if they are aware of my existence.”
“It’s a small community…believe me your two brothers know all about you. You might have a chance with Drew…he’s the youngest and pretty wild himself…but Brad won’t be too happy to see you. It’s mostly because they are a political family and he is a Senator in the Massachusetts’ State government. I’m pretty sure he has aspirations for Washington like my two siblings…I don’t know how they do it but then again, both have become quite heavy drinkers over the years,” he explained in a glib tone.
“I forgot you’re the youngest…like me. You never wanted to be a politician?”
Kaz smiled and shook his head. “Nope. I always knew I was a showman but not that kind. My all-time favorite heroes were Jimi Hendrix, Screamin’ Jay Hawkins, James Brown and Mick Jagger. There’s no rush like getting on that stage and wooing a crowd with my voice.”
He paused and swigged from his JD. “I know it should be old by now—we’ve been doing this for almost six years and with the fifth studio album about to come out, I should be a complete fucking cynic but I still adore my fans and the frenetic pace and atmosphere of touring. There are so many bands that looked like they were going to be hot shit and then they kind of fizzled out. I am very grateful we have the kind of fans that didn’t let that happen to us.”
I slid out of his lap yet he followed me onto the sofa and spread my legs to accommodate his body between them. “Perhaps you underestimate your talent.”
Kaz’s lips met mine and I kissed him deeply, my mouth opening to him and loving the feeling of his velvety, JD soaked tongue against mine. His hands roamed up and down my body and I knew I would rather be here than anywhere else in the world at the moment.
As we separated, he stroked my hair with careful hands and sighed. “God you are so beautiful and vibrant. How did I get so lucky with you? It’s so funny because five weeks ago I didn’t know you except as a spoiled rich, society brat and now I can’t imagine you not being in my life. I feel centered and stable when I am around you.”
“You do the same for me too. I wasn’t the person you see in front of you five weeks ago. I was a selfish, spoiled brat who cared only about beautiful clothes, the next shopping trip and the next luncheon with my best friends. You know neither Laurel nor I noticed Faith was missing for weeks at a time because we were too caught up in own personal lives? I didn’t even know she and Jaden were dating.”
“They had to keep it hush-hush—record company’s orders. Our tickets sell better if we all looked unattached. You had no idea what it was like when I divorced Damira. There were parties on Facebook and Twitter celebrating our demise and how I was a free man again. When our concert dates were announced with Winter’s Regret as our warm up act, the tickets literally sold out within minutes of them going on sale. It was insane…and what I find so crazy is most of those women out there won’t ever meet us so why do they care who we date and fuck? It’s almost because we are super stars that means we are public property and we belong to everyone yet no one.”
“Well, in a way you do. Fans can be brutal and I don’t know if I am ready for the horrible stuff I will read about me and how your female fans will tear me apart. I’m actually a bit scared and hope the record company makes us keep our relationship hush-hush.”
Kaz wrapped his hands in my hair and his fingers massaged my scalp. “There is only one problem with the scenario you just mentioned. The management at Introspect Records doesn’t control what we do or who we date anymore and to be honest, I don’t want to hide you like some kept woman. I want everyone to know we are a couple so your best bet is to get ready for what’s comin’ because everyone will know you are mine and you belong to me.”
My heart pounded in my chest with an animal intensity as his lips crushed mine in a bruising kiss which I knew would leave my lips swollen. He fisted my hair and pulled us closer together. His passion was so all-consuming, I felt myself respond to his rough treatment and when he finally pulled away, my breath was heavy and my voice, husky.
“Do you think we should take this into the bedroom?”
“Absolutely not. The staff have the night off.” He rolled off me and stood up, pulling me with him. “Take your fucking clothes off now but leave on your lace thong.”
Although a part of me wanted to his fight his authoritative manner, I unbuttoned my jeans and let them fall to the floor before I stepped out of them and then took off my peasant blouse. My nude lace bra—which naturally matched my hipster lace panties—came off with slightly trembling fingers before I discarded it on the Persian rug covering the marble tile.
“Undo my pants and take my cock out,” he whispered in a seductive voice.
I got down on my knees and undid his jeans which were the kind that buttoned all the way up as opposed to having a zipper and discovered he went commando as usual. My right hand barely wrapped around the girth of his manhood and I held it in my hand before I massaged him up and down the way I knew he liked it.
His breath came fast and raspy but he didn’t have to tell me what to do next. Just holding him in my hands and breathing in his clean scent was enough to drive me over the edge. I licked the pre-cum off the tip of his mushroom head with my talented tongue before I allowed my lips to wrap around his cock and slowly work his length in my mouth.
“That’s right, you sexy bitch, fucking suck my cock.”
It was so easy to do when he gave me instructions like that. One hand steadied how much of him I took into my mouth while the other massaged his balls and played with them before two fingers slipped past his balls and caressed his perineum. He clinched his buttocks in an intense reflexive manner though I had never ventured past his perineum before and I didn’t plan to experiment that night either.
With deliberate and aching precision, I took the full length of his cock into my mouth and relaxed my throat muscles to receive him. He grabbed my hair and fisted it again before he pulled me back and joined me on his knees. He pushed me back onto the carpet and spread my legs before he tore my La Perla lace hipster panties and exposed my wet, aching sex to his view. I had soaked my clear through my panties I was so turned on..
I never got tired of the anticipation of sex with Kaz. His right hand reached down and his fingers spread me like a flower before he bent down and inhaled deeply.
“You smell so fucking good. Like flowers in the spring time and honey nectar. Every time I see that perfect pussy of yours, I just want to devour your snatch.”
His mouth slid over my clit before he teased it with his tongue and I moaned out loud. I didn’t care about the pain from my tattoo as he ate me out with such ferocity, I thought I would pass out from the sensations my body was feeling alone.
He tongue fucked me before his tongue swirled around my clit over and over again. Two fingers were buried in my soaked sex and he stroked my G-spot and I gasped out loud as an orgasm poured over me so deeply, I could barely remember my own name let alone his.
Kaz didn’t give me time to relax before he grabbed his cock and slid it all the way into my slippery wet depths. I felt like I was being tattooed all over again as he moved inside me with slow, deep strokes. The irony was not lost upon me he still wore his jeans and I was completely nude beneath him.
He began to pound himself inside me and I breathed harshly, an orgasm very near yet again after I’d just had one and I couldn’t help but wonder why he made my body feel like one giant sex organ. My skin tingled, just having his naked chest against mine and my sex responded willingly to the rough treatment. I would be sore the next day but it was worth it just to experience such pleasure at this moment in time.
“Turn over,” he commanded after he withdrew from me and began to take off his jeans.
I did as he commanded me to do and got on all fours.
Kaz didn’t re-enter me yet again but teased me with his mouth and his fingers wandered from my perineum to the soft tight opening of my anus. He merely traced his fingers around it while I panted like a dog in heat.
“I can’t wait to get into this hole. The only one on your body I haven’t experienced yet and believe me, I will. You are a virgin there too, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” I whispered, “you know I am.”
“Good, this beautiful ass belongs to me and so does your pussy, do you understand? No one is to use your mouth, your snatch…your ass but me.”
I turned toward him, my curtain of honey hair covering one side of my face. “That goes without saying, baby.”
He smiled before I looked forward again and he thrust his cock inside me again and I pushed against his body with an aggressiveness I didn’t know existed inside me. I wanted him to fuck me hard and fast all the while teasing my clit. His cock would hit that ever elusive G-spot and drive me absolutely crazy.
Kaz continued until my body erupted in pleasure, my arms giving out from underneath me and as my vaginal muscles squeezed around his manhood, he cursed and came violently as he held my waist possessively.
I laid on my stomach, trying to breathe and slow my racing heart while he laid next to me on his back, both our bodies covered in a thin sheen of sweat and sin.
There were no words exchanged between us because none had to be and it was a perfect silence. Instead, he grabbed my outstretched right hand and squeezed it within his own. That was the most freakish and intimate gesture he’d ever done and I realized not for the first time that my feelings for this man went beyond lust and like.
Kaz was hot and he had a smokin’ body. He was easy on the eyes, possessed tats and was certifiably considered a bad boy and alpha male but I had never seen him so incredibly naked—physically or emotionally—as he was when he’d discussed his son with me.
I suddenly realized how there could be a hole in the earth because Kaz was there and he was pulling me into it with him. I was falling and there was nothing to brace my impact or slow me down.
For the first time in my life, I knew the feeling of being helpless and it was the most frightening feeling in the world.
Chapter Fourteen
Decisions
The next two weeks passed by much too quickly. Scarlet Fever finished their album and it was ready to go on sale. The premiere date was a couple days away and pre-sales on both iTunes and Amazon were “insane” according to the record executives at Introspect Records. The tour with Winter’s Regret was due to start in a month though both bands would go on the road and start off playing small, intimate crowds in places like here, Las Vegas, Miami, and Dallas.
While the guys had gone out to celebrate with Winter’s Regret whose album was finished and had been released several weeks prior, the girls and I decided to have our own celebration at Faith’s massive home.
Faith had a beautiful setup in one of the most expensive communities in Calabasas. Her parents had bought the home next to theirs as a twenty-first birthday present. The neighborhood was exclusive, gated and home to many extremely celebrities.
She had the party catered despite the only people in attendance were Laurel, her sister Sasha, Faith and I. The food was delicious and the Cristal champagne was even better. We talked, laughed and discussed a situation that was long overdue. Would we or wouldn’t we go on tour with the guys?
I thought it a bit odd how they all had found one of us to hook up with at the same time—with the exception of Faith and Jaden who had dated one another previously—but everyone’s relationship seemed genuine so I took that judgmental part of myself out of the picture altogether.
For Sasha, it was a no-brainer. She had to go since she was their Press Manager and had happened to hook up with Grant, the drummer. We teased her and she held out as long as possible before she rolled her eyes and gave in to our questions.
“Fine, what do you want to know? Whether we have fucked yet?”
Laurel and I looked at one another with wide eyes before I replied, “That’s your business. I don’t think any of us wanted that much detailed info.”
“Well, we have and he’s great in bed but there is so much to our relationship than that. He just got me into bed last week if it makes any difference.”
Laurel laughed. “Ha! I held out longer than any of you bitches!”
Faith glared at her with annoyance. “I didn’t need to hold out for anything because Jaden and I were a couple previously so it wasn’t like he’d never seen me naked before.”
“Well, I just gave Will a piece last night and the man was in heaven. To be honest, it was kind of cool. I mean, he’s a world famous rock star and there he was at my mercy. However, he really is very sensitive. He reminds me of Kurt Cobain, minus the heroin addiction, but there is just so much sensitivity there and I can appreciate that. There is no way I could not go on tour.”
“Syd, what about you?” Sasha wondered out loud as she ate another crab-stuffed mushroom.
I stood and walked to the glass French doors that led out to an art-shaped pool and a large backyard. “I’m undecided still…”
“How can you possibly be undecided?” Faith questioned in a cold voice. “Kaz is crazy about you and he wouldn’t be able to survive without you yet you could really do that to him? I thought you’d changed but you’re still that selfish little girl worried about what people will think of you.”
I turned toward my best friend. “We are also talking about my life here. I don’t know where we are going—”
“—and if you don’t go on tour, you might as well start packing your bags because your relationship is guaranteed to go nowhere. Do you honestly think he is going to wait for you while he is on a six month tour? Are you on crack? Go home, Sydney.”
“Faith, what’s wrong with you?” I questioned in a placating tone. “One minute we’re having fun and the next moment, I am told to go home?”
She strolled over to me, my handbag in her hand, grabbed me roughly by the arm and frog-marched me to the door. “Go back to Kasper’s, pack your shit and take your ass back home to Mommy and Granddad because you have no place here. You aren’t a woman, you are stuck in arrested development and act like a fucking teenager. I won’t see you destroy Kaz’s life or fuck around with his heart. He’s been through enough. Now get the fuck out of my house!”
Faith opened the door, threw my handbag on the ground, pushed me out and slammed the door behind me.
I wasn’t expecting her to act like that and although I shouldn’t have been driving, I hopped into Kaz’s borrowed, silver Range Rover and drove back to his place which was quite a ways from her home. Somehow or another, I made it home in one piece all the while crying and driving rather erratically.
I did want to be with Kaz, more than anyone could know but was I not allowed to be scared or show a sign of weakness because that made my behavior that of a child? I resented her comments but sadly we were both too stubborn and I would not call her and she wasn’t going to call me. There would be no apologies from Faith, this I knew for certain. It simply wasn’t her style.
As soon as I closed the front door, I began to sob again. Gut-wrenching, aching cries that sounded more like the throes of passion than hurt or mere anger. I was pissed at one of my best friends and I didn’t even know if we had a friendship at this point. Maybe she would forgive me eventually but if I didn’t go on this tour, I knew the chances of her wanting to continue our relationship were next to nil.
It was so easy for her to cut people out of her life and that scared me more than anything because Faith didn’t have anything to lose. She still had Laurel and now that Sasha was on board, she’d found the woman who could still make them the three musketeers, so to speak. I needed her a lot more than she would ever need me. That wasn’t just my emotions talking, it was the simple truth.
And Kaz?
He was a different story all together. He’d introduced me to sex, branded my soul and tattooed my heart in a way no man had ever done in the past. Could I really be apart from him for six whole months? Without his touch and warmth; his embrace and kindness; his never ending lust and domination?
The simple answer was no.
I would probably become an out and out whore and sleep with God knows how many different men searching for what we had together and never find it. That frightened me more than losing Faith’s friendship.
I slipped off my stilettos and threw them in the corner before I walked up to the bedroom I shared with the man who had become my life for such a short time. I opened my own personal closet and looked at my clothes and that was the closest I got to packing a single item because I closed the double doors, stripped out of my clothes and crawled into bed.
My head swam from too much champagne and all the decisions swirling around my head. I finally buried my face in Kaz’s pillow, his scent still there. Ed Hardy’s Love & Luck clung to my nostrils and his scent quietly sedated me.
I didn’t know what time it was when I was shaken awake. Kaz leaned over me and admired my naked form, my tattoo on display since I laid on my stomach.
“Fuck, what a beautiful sight to come home to after the night I’ve had. I’d fuck you senseless, you know that, right? But I’m too drunk and it would be lousy and neither one of us would get off. Shift over.”
I crawled over onto my side of the bed as he stripped his clothes and got in beside me. I spooned him from behind and tucked my arm around his stomach. He threw his arm over mine as he yawned and closed his eyes.
I closed mine again too because there was nothing to talk about. He was drunk, happy and couldn’t wait for the tour to get started. I couldn’t tell him about the colossal argument I’d had with Faith so I tried to go back to sleep.
“Oh yeah,” he began, his voice slightly slurred, “you passed the test with flying colors so are you coming on tour with us?”
“Can we talk about this in the morning?” I demurred instead of answering the question. It was just too hard and I wasn’t ready to think about the implications of my decision just yet.
“Okay. Good night, honey.”
“Night, babe.”
Sleep finally washed over me again but it didn’t last for long and when I awoke at five-thirty in the morning, I got up, showered and dressed in a pair of expensive jeans and silk babydoll blouse with Chinese print and spaghetti straps.
I made coffee and sat outside on the sun deck and watched the pool as the water flickered in the gentle breeze. I could go on tour and prove I could handle dating someone famous, the rumors, the innuendo, the endless Internet chatter and the hate mail or I could go back to my old life.
Life before Kaz was safe because I controlled every aspect of my destiny and I was safe in my cocoon of friends and family members. My mother and grandfather loved me with all their hearts but what would I do without Laurel? I would surround myself by a bunch of frenemies who would jump at the chance of a single Kaz Gillian on tour and half my so-called friends would end up bedding my boyfriend.
The thought disgusted me and caused me to go through two additional cups of coffee. I was working on my fourth when Kaz came out to join me. It was a quarter to seven in the morning and he held his own cup of coffee.
“Fuck, I have a hangover from hell and I know I am going to spend most of today laying down so I thought I would check on you,” he greeted cordially. “You look like hell. What happened last night? Faith called me and told me to send you back to Mommy. What the fuck was she talking about?”
“We had a fight about the tour and she isn’t exactly happy with me right now. I wouldn’t give her a firm answer whether I was going or not and she got really pissed off. It’s worse than it sounds. We’ll patch things up and be fine, honestly.” I smiled and tried to sound upbeat but my tone belied my words badly.
“It’s not rocket science, Syd. Either you want to go or you don’t but I am not going to hold it against you.” He turned toward me, his aquamarine eyes bloodshot yet still beautiful in the early morning sunlight. “You can stay here and fly out when ever. You don’t have to be there. We can make this work because I demand we make it work. I am not losing you over a six month tour that is only a fraction of my life. I want you here…in my bed…my life. Somehow you’ve worked your way under my skin like all these tattoos and you can’t leave me. I won’t let you.”
The tears came though I tried to stop them. “She told me you wouldn’t want me if I didn’t go and all I could imagine was losing you and not being able to be with you. I hate you have become the center of my universe yet I love it at the same time. I despise how much I miss you when you’re gone yet when you’re around, my whole world feels complete. Baby, I adore you and I didn’t want you to think if I said no to the tour then I was saying no to us because I’m not.”
Kaz swallowed harshly and looked me dead in the eyes. “So, you’ve made up your mind, huh? You don’t want to go?”
I finished my coffee, stood and sat on his lap. “Never give this woman a challenge because I can’t say no to them. The answer is yes…I am going on tour with you because infrequent sex in random cities doesn’t do it for me. Personally, I wanted to tell you first and that is why I told Faith I was undecided. I wanted you to be the first to know.”
He smiled and kissed my lips before his tongue worked its way inside my mouth and I opened up to receive him. We must have spent a great deal of time embracing and necking because by the time we were finished, my lips felt bruised and I was in pure heaven just because his arms were wrapped around me.
“Thank you but I just want to say something first.”
“What’s that?”
“Be prepared for a wild ride because Scarlet Fever’s Tours rock!” Kaz exclaimed loudly.
We both laughed and sealed my decision with yet another bruising lip lock.
My soul, my heart, my life, my destiny…I was wrapped in the throes of Kaz and he was enraptured with me.
I was the luckiest woman in the world.
Life between us wasn’t just beginning, it was entering a new phase and I couldn’t wait for us to get there together.
The One More Night Trilogy continues with
Falling Into Us
Coming May of 2013
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Selene Chardou is a world traveler and the alter-ego of Elle Chardou.
Ms. Chardou’s writing is all about hot romance and exciting times with the rich and famous set in the New Adult realm.
She is currently working on Falling into Us (One More Night Trilogy).
There will also be a spin-off series titled simply the Scarlet Fever Trilogy which will chronicle the relationships of the other four band members. She also has a pop stars series planned titled Young, Rich & Talented, which will also be a trilogy.
Ms. Chardou has lived abroad in Stockholm (Sweden), Manchester (England), Los Angeles, the San Francisco Bay Area and Portland. She currently resides in Las Vegas, Nevada.
Contact & Resources
Blog: The Realm of Selene Chardou located http://selenechardou.blogspot.com/
Join Selene. Chardou’s Mailing List for early notification of New Books HERE!
Follow Selene Chardou on Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/ellechardou
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If you would like to email Selene Chardou, she can be reached at: selenechardou@gmail.com
Published & Upcoming Books by Selene Chardou
One More Night Trilogy (New Adult/Contemporary Romance / Women’s Literature)
Falling Into Lust
Falling Into Us (May/June 2013)
Falling Into Love (June/July 2013)
Scarlet Fever Trilogy (New Adult/Contemporary Romance / Women’s Literature)
Grant’s Muse (August, 2013)
Lust & Faith (September, 2013)
The Will to Love (October, 2013)
Young, Rich & Talented Trilogy (New Adult/Contemporary Romance / Women’s Literature)
Rock Me Out (Chyna Bleu’s story, Winter of 2013)
Rock Me Sideways (Damian Phillip’s story, Winter of 2014)
Rock Me In (Ava Martin’s story, Spring of 2014)